Getting in touch with me

I was talking to a friend tonight, who asked me about my day. I told him that my day was bi-polar. I woke up happy and excited - I woke up on time, it was denim day at work, I called Yellowstone and reserved a campsite and the lady who helped me was super happy even tough it was 7am, and I thought of baby cougars on the way to work and started giggling to myself out loud. The day just started great! And, my kids were great - happy and excited to be there and cooperative!

Then there was some drama that continued and seemingly spiraled a little out of control at work. And I had 3 spur-of-the-moment meetings (well two were planned but then rearranged) right after school, which kept me there til 4:45 on Labor Day Friday when I technically could have left at 4! Now, I'm dedicated, and love my kids and will put in whatever time is necessary, but, I must admit I felt very antsy! None of those things were particularly bad, but they did stress me out a little!

My bi-polar day continued with a great Women's Soccer game, during which we totally dominated, and then a nice chat with a friend who is back for the school year, and who I get to see tomorrow at the game. It was just all so nice and exciting.

So after I finished talking to both my friends, I started contemplating why each of these things affected me so much. I realized that it comes down to my blue personality that I mentioned last post. My world revolves around people. I will literally drop everything to be with people which brings me joy. And being alone or ignored or patronized by others makes me feel the exact opposite. I also feel stress or discomfort when people I love are being affected (or potentially affected) negatively.

That realization TOTALLY explained my mood swings today! They weren't huge or anything, but I'm just happy that they have ended on a great note. I remain excited and optimistic about the potential of this year. It's going to rock! In fact, the first indicator of this, besides my personal mood, is that so far this weekend, BYU has had a winning weekend in all sports, which will undoubtedly continue with the football game tomorrow and the soccer game on Monday. Go COUGS!

I just want to bang on my piano (beautiful things of course), blast happy songs, spin in a circle in a meadow and shout it from the mountain tops: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

There is beauty all around...

Wow. Thanks friends, for the comments on my last post. I felt really good about it, and hearing from you made it even better! :)

Well, I just completed my first week of school this year! YAY! Everything went really, really well. I'm so excited about this group of students, and they are just marvelous!

Today, I began, in earnest, the move-out process, and I was reminded how much I LOATHE moving! Luckily, I have a wonderful roommate/landlord who said I could take my time moving out, especially since I've already started school, so I have one - two days a week I can actually work on it. But still, it's such a long, exhausting process. And I realized, once again, how much stuff I have, and I'm wondering how I'm going to fit it all into the slightly smaller space I'm moving into. "Meh," says my inner-procrastinator, "worry about that tomorrow... or the next day... or never!"

Ha! Oh well, I do what I can, when I can, always keeping in touch with my blue personality, which causes me to drop everything when I have the opportunity for human interaction. Just such an opportunity arose today when I arrived at my new apartment and was able to meet my new roommate for the first time. Having had negative roommate experiences in the past, I was SO nervous, and, it turned out, so was she. But we hit it off remarkably well! :) We just sat aroudn and talked for an hour or so, and while that didn't help me get my junk moved in any faster, it was so worthwhile because we quickly became friends and made plans for this coming semester, and many of my fears about moving were laid to rest.

And, although moving isn't fun, and starting a new school year is always busy, I find myself inexplicably excited for this next year. Ok, maybe it's not so inexplicable to me, but, the reasons are so personal that sending them out into the void just doesn't seem particularly appropriate. So, excuse me, dear void, if I keep the reasons to myself. But, rest assured that I am content, and happy, and excited for the opportunities I have this year to become a better teacher, a better friend, and to build new relationships and have new experiences. This, my friend, is quite the accomplishment for me, as I usually shrink in the face of change. But this time, I feel like good things are coming, and I am ready to meet them head-on, without fear.

Goals Update: Some of you seemed pretty interested in my goals list last post, so, here's the update - I have received my first two Independent Study classes, which I've started, and am enjoying. Once I'm settled in my new apartment I'll set a regular schedule for working on these classes, and my Reading Endorsement classes that start September 2nd. I'm doing pretty well staying caught up on my planning for school, which is helping me dedicate my time appropriately when I'm at home. I received my green laser pointer, and I take it just about everywhere with me. Slowly but surely I'm getting better at identifying things in the sky, and I LOVE it! I'm getting better with my finances, but any real progress on that is going to have to wait until the end of September when I'm finally making full salary - huzzah!

Other things I'm looking forward to in the (very) near future: Friends returning for Fall semester, the first BYU football game of the season next Saturday. The first BYU Women's Soccer game in the new stadium also next Saturday, a 3 day weekend!, and YELLOWSTONE the following weekend. So many great things are happening in the next two weeks, plus, I get along with my new roommate. Really, how can I be anything but happy?!

Stepping Back and Redefining, Part II

Well, I didn't go on a Canyon Drive/Ride... Well, actually, I did a partial Canyon Drive with my dear friend and stopped off to go star gazing for a few minutes. We found cool constellations and it was awesome! While I was flustered when I first left, I had good music and the canyon was deserted (because of the recent/continuing fires), and it is always a humbling moment for me to gaze into the sky and to realize my relative insignificance, but yet my overwhelming worth.

In light of my redefining mood lately, here are some goals I have determined to work toward:
1) I want to learn about astronomy and become an amateur astronomer.
2) I want to be financially stable, and out of debt enough to own a home in the next 5 years, however small it may be.
3) I want to travel to Florence, Italy, and possibly other parts of Europe - but I'm not leaving until I see the Sistine Chapel.
4) I want to earn a Master's Degree in Education.
5) I want to take refresh my Spanish so that I can be conversational and not shy about my knowledge, to better communicate with students and their parents.

And we've all heard the rule of thumb that a goal is no good without a plan, so here are my immediate plans to work toward each of these goals:
1) With my next paycheck I'm going to purchase a small green laser pointer so I can point at what I'm seeing, and share it with others.
2) I am going to take 2 - 3 BYU Independent Study personal enrichment courses: 1-2 on Astronomy, and 1 on personal finance. These will help me learn the skills and have the resources I need to accomplish two of my goals, and keep me in the habit of studying like a student until I actually begin my Master's Program.
3) From my personal finance class I'm going to learn to budget and I'm going to set and stick to a budget that includes, at the minimum: 10% tithing, 10% savings, 10% toward Italy, maximum monthly debt payments, and living expenses.
4) I will remain on a waiting list for the BYU Reading Endorsement program, and also watch for other cohort experiences that tie into a Master's Program, and work to take advantage of those opportunities.
5) I am going to get and take an independent study conversational Italian course (for my trip), and a conversational Spanish course (for goal #5).


I feel better now that I have a few clear defined goals to work toward and a way to get there. Now I'm going to work on setting myself a schedule, and getting myself to stick to it. :)

Stepping Back and Redefining, Part I

The last few days have been one fast emotional roller coaster, and now I feel like the seat belt on the roller coaster is jammed and the roller coaster isn't moving. I feel stuck. You see, last night I made the decision that I needed to step back a bit from some dear friendships, in order to save those relationships in the long run. However, I have this deep social need - not being social, especially in the summer just about kills me. So, now, I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself - and I feel stuck - stuck in the middle, and alone.

I'm currently faced with several choices, none of which are particularly appealing.
1) Spend lots more time with a close circle of girls whom I love, but, however jokingly, seem to be a little anti-boy. Don't get me wrong, I am boy-less right now, but I am trying not to let that turn me into a bitter person, and I'm still trying to find good things in the gentlemen around me. Unfortunately, at least for me, even the most insincere boy-bashing jokes make that goal a lot harder to achieve.
2) Spend more time with a group of people I haven't really spent time with in months, and with whom I feel like I have very little in common with anymore, except with a few select members of the group.
3) Go out and meet new people. Now this one I'm a little more partial to, but, I'm a chicken. I'm all for meeting new people, but, I like to have a companion or two to do that with - which makes me miss a particular friend quite especially right now.
4) Do nothing, ignore my need for daily social interaction, and completely immerse myself in my work. Well, I could do that, but, if you ask me, it seems a little unhealthy, don't you think?

So, here I sit, blasting Josh Groban, and wanting to go on a canyon drive - too bad I have no gas. I just feel acutely alone and in the middle of a giant group of people that I recognize, but, find it hard to confide in people, even the ones that I know care about me. Maybe I'll go on a bike ride, and then I'll research one of my new and now very real goals - to go to Florence, Italy. I need something to work toward that doesn't feel like work. And I mean it, one day, I'm going to Florence.

A Midnight Rant

So, I've decided that if I had my way in this world, the stupid dating games would be over and done with. Yeah, yeah, play the game but don't play games, blah blah blah. We all may hate it, but we know it's true that this whole college-age and beyond single life is a big giant game. At some point along the way everyone's at least subconsciously trying to give themselves a leg up in the eyes of the opposite sex, as it were.

For example: Guy hurts leg, leg looks awful, girl volunteers to help guy but has no stuff with which to help. I swoop in to save the day with my handy first aid kit, and suggest cleaning it with hydrogen peroxide and get a brief lecture on the validity of it's use in the given situation. Chill out girlfriend. Not interested in your new love interest, just trying to help and in no mood to argue this late at night.

Here's what I really hate - apparently every interaction between a male and female - unless it screams "I loathe you" - is taken by either one of the two parties involved, or an outside observer as "I'm madly in love with you!" I mean really people. Are we five? Is the world still divided into black and white - happy/sad, love/hate. Uh, no! We are much more complex than that, and dang it so are our relationships with each other. There is no black and white anymore, and furthermore, without a gray area in between not knowing the other existed to actually marrying and loving that person for eternity, how are we ever supposed to get to the point where we can confess said undying love?

So, here is my plea that I am sending out into the void - PLEASE STOP ANALYZING EACH OTHER!

Now make no mistake, as a female, this non-analyzing gig is a foreign concept to me, however, I am trying. And can I tell you that my happiest days are when I don't analyze my relationships? Seriously.

Take today for example. It was a holiday and for that reason I was able to go camping last night with 3 close friends, and then spend today traipsing around enjoying myself with my friends, without a care for time constraints, being able to talk, laugh, joke, and even occasionally flirt without worrying about a nosy person prying into my affairs and analyzing me.

Here's the flip side - that marvelous feeling of safety and security we feel with friends we trust can be shattered by people, however sincere they may be, jumping in with their personal analysis of the situation: "Wait, you're not dating him/her?!" "Oh, he/she must totally like you!" "Holy cow, you sat next to each other for two whole sacrament meetings... in a row!!!" Really? Really?! Do you think they needed your help to realize any of those things? And why must we assume that every kind gesture, toward ourselves, or another person is a profession of undying love? It's not. Why don't we believe that those kind gestures are just a manifestation of the innate good nature of that person? Can't we at least give each other that benefit of the doubt?

Now folks, I may be overreacting a little by ranting like this, but I'm SICK of people analyzing me and my relationships - it can end up destroying what could have been deep and lasting friendships - all because people can't keep their eyes, ears, and mouths to themselves.

So, in case it hasn't been made clear just yet - BACK OFF! There is no love triangle, octagon, hexagon, or whatever shape fits the situation the best. The love shapes don't exist, but in the place of these imagined love shapes, there are individuals who enjoy each other's company and are building relationships. And yes, people may occasionally practice their flirting skills on each other - but really, where's the harm in that? Is it really a problem to practice flirting when it feels like there's little risk of some sort of awful retribution for it? If anything, it seems that practicing in a safe-zone makes it natural and easier to flirt with other people later. And well, let's say that sometime in the future a relationship develops into something more. Well huzzah for you! You suspected it all along, Yay hooray, you're just great. Oh but wait, this was never about YOU in the first place. So take a step back and try to be happy for your friends or acquaintances who have found someone they feel compatible with, and don't you dare start thinking wedding bells. Let them experience the joy of a budding relationship without your constant analysis - if it develops into something eternal, believe me, you'll be notified - they're called wedding announcements and they're generally located on most refrigerators in Provo.

Well, I have things to do tomorrow. And while writing has a therapeutic role in my life, hence the above rant, I must end this now. Please consider my plea, dear void, and perhaps take my advice to leave others alone in their relationships. Trust me, it's hard enough to find someone you enjoy spending time with, why make it harder by adding your astute analysis to the millions of analyses of their own they fight against constantly. For my part, I'm going to seriously work on my natural tendency to analyze, and I also vow to not let the selfish analyzing punks to impose their "insights" on me and ruin my day. Because in spite of that event and this rant, today was wonderful - because I felt safe, content, and happy surrounded by those I have come to love doing exactly what we wanted to do when we wanted to do it, however spontaneous and reckless it may have seemed to the outside world.

Ode to a dear friend

So, tonight, a dear friend of mine came home after what most of us thought was a vacation, walked in the door, and told a roommate, "Come give me a hug, I'm moving home... right now." Needless to say, we were all shocked, but, people quickly mobilized to help my friend pack and move.

When said friend gave me a hug goodbye, I nearly started crying, and when they pulled out, I nearly lost it but didn't because of the other people standing around. Afterwards I persuaded some other friends to go for a walk, which, still hasn't really calmed me, so, I'm sitting here, now writing about how much I'm going to miss my friend, because I can't sleep. Now, folks, this really was a friend - by the way I'm talking, you may think that I was deeply in love with this person - not so, but, I did, and do love him. So, here is my tribute to a friend that I think a lot of people, including myself, took for granted while he was around.

Here's to:
* summer nights
* Jurassic park all night long
* long, completely honest talks
* HE council
* Pioneer Day Extravaganza
* FIRST Annual Water Olympics
* bear hugs
* understanding about my brother, and my friends, and my home teachers, and everything else.
* the lobby
* shooting
* Pain Train
* baseball
* Earth Day - the burning bush at Bishop's
* rock star outfits
* camping, driving, walking
* Saturday lunches
* honey pots and table cloths
* awesome Asian restaurants
* Applebee's happy hour and making a waitress's night with a crayon and a napkin
* breaking up the Ohana bag
* helping me set up my classroom for the first time and experiencing Dairy Keen

I guess it can all be summed up in one word - love. We loved each other - not in the romantic sense. But I think we are all so busy looking for romantic love that we don't acknowledge the other kinds of love which are so important, and sustaining.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend. What part of our lives do we lay down? If we're doing it right, we lay aside our jobs, or the video games, or the television, or the computer, and take time to spend with others. That's what this friend does all the time.

So here's to a friend who brought joy and comfort into my life by simply showing he cared. Thanks for the awesome memories!

Blah, blah blah

There's a post that belongs here that I wrote by hand when my internet was down, but, I have other things on my mind now, so, the actual typing of it will have to wait.

Never make a decision until you have to...

So, I have been postponing registering for the Reading Endorsement classes I was planning to take this summer until the last possible second, mostly out of pure laziness. But, today I was really glad I had waited.
Today I found out that BYU offers a reading endorsement (my other one was through SUU), which is about half the price of the other one I was going to do, and closer, thus cutting down gas cost, AND it doesn't start until next Fall!
In case you haven't followed my logic thus far, this means that I have this entire summer to spend more time with my friends and family, and just playing! :) This definitely means that a trip or two to California is definitely in the works, Moab, and hopefully Yellowstone! :)
I am unbelievably excited. And the fun starts this week, when I get to stay in Virginia for an extra week with my family! Yay! :) So, those of you in Provo, I'm sorry I won't be back as early as I promised most of you, but, we will play and live it up when I get back! :)

A Lost Art

So, I am currently reading a book by Rebecca Ann Collins called The Women of Pemberley. Since it is not written by Jane Austen, it cannot be considered a sequel, but, it is "A Companion Volume", and is the second of ten similar books. I HIGHLY recommend it to any Jane Austen fan. I have loved it!

Anyway, a few days ago as I was flying home from Utah, I finally had a spare moment to read avidly, as I so delight in doing. I finally got a little tired, but, as I began to drift off to sleep, my thoughts began to wander. In these books, much of the story is told through letters, and I thought about letter-writing and how it has become quite a lost art. No one writes letters anymore. Sure, there's the occasional card at a given occasion, and some may even argue that we now have e-mail. But the etiquette is not the same, and I would argue that e-mails don't always seem as genuine. As I thought about letter writing, I got into a letter-writing mood.

For the first time since I've had friends on missions, I wanted to write, and not just write, to write a letter. It was great! :) Only one of my friends was the lucky recipient, but, the letter was genuinely heartfelt and sincere. And while I did send it via e-mail, I still felt it was a higher caliber than just a regular e-mail, if not particularly formal. It must have done the trick, as I got a near immediate response from a friend I haven't heard from in weeks.

Letter writing, I feel, is an art worth reviving. :)

Midsummer Daydreams

Ok, maybe not Midsummer, or even summer daydreams, more like springtime daydreams. Mostly, I was trying to make a play on a song that everyone should listen to, and every guitar player should learn. It's by the band Triumph, actually, just one guy that is in that band, but it's amazing and you should look it up! Anyway...

As I mentioned many moons and several posts ago, I have BIG plans for this summer. Including:
* hiking Cascade Springs
* hiking Stewart Falls
* exploring Timpanogos Cave
* hiking to Emerald Lake
* hiking Timpenooke Trail
* hiking Aspen Grove Trail
* hiking to Lake Haray
* exploring the Diamond Fork Loop
* exploring the Mt. Nebo Wilderness
* hiking Yellow Pine Creek Trail
* hiking Shingle Creek Trail
* biking the Provo River Trail
* visiting the Clark Planetarium
* visiting the ferris wheel in Liberty Park in Salt Lake City
* going to the Mormon Miracle Pageant in Manti
* floating the Provo River
* exploring Squaw Peak Road and it's bike and hiking trails
* exploring Wasatch Mountain State Park
* exploring Yellowstone National Park
* hiking part of the Great Western Trail
* hiking Wasatch Crest Hill and Provo Peak
* camping in Moab
* camping at Payson Lakes
* going to California for Shari and Mike's wedding
* possibly going to Washington for Rachel and Matt's wedding
* visiting California just for fun, including Disneyland, Sea World, the San Diego Zoo, and, of course, the beach!

But first on the list, besides camping this weekend is heading home to spend some time with my family in Virginia. It's going to be an action packed and relaxing summer. If you're not quite as excited as me just yet, here are some pics of my daydream to peak your interest.

Reflections on my BYU experience

Two days ago, I officially graduated from BYU. In the days leading up to it, it all seemed quite anti-climatic. I'm a teaching intern, so I am already a full time teacher, and i haven't set foot on campus in quite a while. I have been re-hired at my school for next year, and it didn't seem like my life would be any different after that hour and a half ceremony. But, as I look back, so many thoughts and emotions begin to course through me. I have found, that in spite of some negative or frustrating experiences, there is a very special place in my heart for BYU and my friends here. There is a special spirit here that has blessed my life.

Some of my fond memories include a marvelous freshman year in Hinckley Hall - a great roommate, good friends, and a wonderful bishop and bishopric.

My sophomore year, I moved to the Terrace with some of my freshmen friends, watched the first of my friends get married, and met one of my best friends.

Junior year was similar, but with a new ward and bishop, some new friends, and some new roommates. That year we had a freshman year reunion and I said goodbye to some of my girlfriends that left on missions as our guy friends returned.

Senior year brought more changes, with new roommates, my best friend's wedding, and other friends having babies! I also went on my first trip to Las Vegas and California, including Disneyland, and managed to play in both oceans in the space of two weeks. :)

This past year has been an amazing experience with my internship, and all that has come with it. I have cherished my time with my students, and I have met and built new friendships. I didn't spend much time on campus, but when I was there, I was filled with memories of football games, working a the Cougareat, tunnel singing, hiking the Y at sunrise, attending General Conference, singing at a devotional where an apostle spoke, holding my best friend's newborn, late night chats, and and institute, church, or other lesson or meeting that left me inspired and wanting to do and be more.

Although the changes have come quietly and gradually, I see now that I have grown and changed, and learned. Some of my most powerful lessons were not learned in a classroom, but in a quiet, private, moment with a friend on a couch, on a walk, in a car, or on a bed sharing thoughts and feelings that we knew to be true.

It has been a marvelous five year journey, and while there have been bumps in the road and a few detours, I have learned, and grown and changed, and found joy, love, friendship, and laughter along the way.

Elder Perry was at my convocation, and I was able to shake his hand and speak with him briefly after receiving my diploma. At the end of our ceremony, he spoke for a few minutes. He challenged us to go to school and teach each day with enthusiasm. And left us with a promise, that the windows of heaven would open to us as we teach, and that our mouths would be filled, and we would be able to rise to the teaching moments we were given, to change the lives of God's children around the world. What a powerful promise.

And since I am who I am, I close with a few lines from one of my favorite Dr. Seuss books, Oh the Places You'll Go:
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.

So... get on your way!

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I recently realized that Winter semesters, in spite of the snow, have always been my best semesters, usually due to the people I meet and spend time with. My freshman year, I had a great guy friend that I spent a ton of time with, who taught me a ton before leaving the following summer on his mission. My sophomore year, one my best friends moved into my ward, and we began what continues to be a wonderful friendship. Last year, a guy I didn’t know became my home teacher, and soon a very good friend.

This year, the trend continues! I have the greatest home teachers in the world, and as I have gotten to know them, I have made some very dear friends. It has been such a joy to sit around and talk, watch movies, plan fun activities, laugh, sing, and just enjoy life with each other!

This past weekend, as Part II of March Madness, we took off to Moab for their annual Half Marathon. I even took a personal day from work so I could enjoy myself completely. It was an absolutely AMAZING weekend! No offense to anyone else who went, but, I got to ride down with the coolest people! Betsy, Shari, Mike, John, and I passed the time singing to fun music, playing the semi-truck and road kill games, taking pictures, and coming up with song titles for a band John and some friends are starting on the way down. We picked a beautiful campsite right across the Colorado River from Canyonlands National Park. We stopped at two different spots to check out Indian Writing in the canyon and set up camp quickly before heading off to explore two arches that were just across the road from our campsite. It was a fun hike with phenomenal views! We went to dinner and heard some 3-year-olds, and milkshake machines make some interesting noises that made me roll on the floor laughing. Camping was of course wonderful. There was no moon, and although the clouds crept in late that night, we were able to enjoy the stars for awhile, and even look out of the back of our galaxy!

The next day was the Half Marathon, and we went into Moab to see our six friends who were running the 5 K and the marathon come in. As we drove into town, we blasted Footloose for the runners that we passed. Some of our friends even came up with a hilarious cheer: “Run! Run! Run like a squirrel!” We’re not sure what’s admirable about squirrels running, but, it sure made us happy to hear it, and even made some very tired runners laugh! After the race we went to explore some dinosaur tracks, and then on to Arches. It was a first for several people, and we had a blast climbing the Windows and taking fun pictures.

On the way home we enjoyed similar games. We stopped in Price at JB’s for dinner. That was fun and entertaining – something to do with Shamu on the freeway, fake kissing, and hot faces – well, I guess you had to be there, but, trust me, it was great! J We were shocked to be met with snow when we started through Spanish Fork Canyon, but, continued singing at the top of our lungs, and looking for potential road kill to avoid. We were all exhausted when we got home, but, I think I speak for all of us when I say that we didn’t want it to end. So much so, in fact, that there were several bursts of muffled giggles during sacrament meeting the next morning. :)

As I’ve thought about it recently, I’ve been so moved. I feel so very blessed to be where I am, with the friends that I have. We’ve all been told to marry someone that makes you want to be a better person. Well, I don’t think it could hurt to surround yourself with those people now. And literally, I want to be a better person because of the people I am surrounded by – I want to read my scriptures, go to the temple, and pray more, listen to good music, watch good movies and TV shows, do challenging things, and practice the piano more just because I see my friends do those things – not in a judgmental or hypocritical way, but simply doing it because they know it’s right and good. I am so happy – I find myself smiling and laughing to myself for no reason other than that a memory of a friend has crossed my mind!

So I close with the words from a favorite hymn, because it expresses the feelings of my heart in a way that I can’t find the words for:

“For worthy friends whose lives proclaim

Devotion to the Savior’s name,

Who bless our days with peace and love.

We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.”

March Madness: Week One

So, my friends and I decided that in addition to the typical March Madness, we would have our own March Madness full of fun activities.

We kicked off with a Leap Year Eve Party, during which we ate Pirate food, and watched Pirates of Penzance. Since I am lame, I forgot to take pictures during the actual party... But I have a picture of the food... Yep, I'm a little bit of an obsessive party planner... :) Yep, we had "rum", and "pirate sherry", swedish fish, goldfish, and some chocolate "treasure". YUM!
Then, we went to a BYU hockey game. We got stomped by UVSC, but, it was fun! Especially when my friend accidentally threw the cowbell he was so excited. :)

Saturday night we went to PBR Bullnanza at the E Center. We got decked out in cowboy/cowgirl gear, and it was delightful! :) It was SO cool to see bull riding up so close! I hope you can see the pictures OK!



The bull in the middle seriously almost gored this cowboy photographer guy because he wasn't paying attention when the bull came back out of the shoot. But, for some reason, the bull turned at the last second. I screamed so loud!

Now, there's about 84 hours until we head out to Moab!!!! YAY!!!! A whole weekend far away from Provo, and responsibility, with nothing but beautiful Arches and the outdoors, and stars, and fun friends. HUZZAH!

"Never hurry and never worry!" ~Charlotte, from Charlotte's Web

So, as you can see I am a TOTAL slacker when it comes to my blog. Even facebook and e-mail have fallen by the wayside as I have jumped into my first year of teaching. The last seven months have been some of the most challenging of my life, but also the most rewarding. When I went home over Christmas break, Mom gave me some of the best advice she's ever given me - Go live your life. Don't worry about what anyone thinks. Don't wait for anyone or anything. Go live life with no regrets and no "what if's".
Although that's something my dearest friends and parents have been trying to tell me for years, it finally sank in, and I took that as my challenge for this year. 2008 is my year of no regrets - and it's been AMAZING!
In January, I worked harder than ever to get my teacher work sample finished and turned in on time. It feels so good to be done with that and to be feel like I can be a good teacher again. I went to a Monster Truck rally with some friends, and to a car show with my brother before taking him up to check out Weber State University. While we were there, I completely fell in love with the Ogden area.
In a rash and emotional night, I went out and bought my own snowboard, boots, and all the needed accessories and gear, having no previous experience of any kind with Winter mountain sports. My board is gorgeous, if I do say so myself. I finally got to go boarding yesterday for the first time, and although it was hard, and I am sore and stiff today, I can't wait to hit the mountain again!
I also determined that I needed to get away this past weekend, regardless of other people's plans. Luckily, I was able to find a couple of friends to go with me to help with costs, and I escaped to the mountains of Ogden Canyon for the weekend. Although the stay was relatively short, it was liberating and rejuvenating.
Just today, my friend and I, who are both wildlife fanatics pulled off the road in Provo Canyon today and "chased" a moose! Really, we just hopped the fence and walked down to the opposite edge of the river that it was eating by. But I loved it! It was spontaneous and fun, and that moose was enormous!
I've always been a planner, but my plans have usually hinged on other people. No longer, my friend! I have big plans for these next few months and this summer, and I'm going. Come with me or don't, but, I'm going, come hell or high water! I'm going to Bullnanza next weekend, and Moab the following weekend, with several trips to Ogden, St. George, Moab, Las Vegas, San Diego, and back East planned for this summer. I'm going to party, dance, camp, hike, horseback ride, snowboard, stargaze, swim, and climb my little heart out!
Life is still stressful at times, but, I've learned that that's pretty much the point, and that it doesn't have to be paralyzing. I have been exceedingly grateful this semester for good home teachers who were there when I needed to make a split-second decision about taking on a Master's Program.
I have learned to love the quiet moments by myself when I have been able to really reflect and contemplate, and enjoy the amazing beauties around me. I have begun to cherish the moments when I begin to understand my place in this vast universe, and on a smaller scale, my part in a university that I had lost the vision of in my haste to jump through the hoops and navigate the red tape on the way to graduation.
What has made it all so wonderful is that I have had friends to share it all with, whether immediately, or from afar via technology. Nothing beats having someone be almost excited for you as you are for yourself when you accomplish a goal, try something new, or tackle an obstacle. As Wilbur learned in Charlotte's Web, "... friendship is one of the most satisfying things in the world."

Here are a few pictures:

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss

I envisioned this summer as a care-free blast, with time to get everything ready for my classroom, and have lots of fun and rest to boot. Well, I’ve had my fun, and I’ve slept a lot, way more than is probably necessary. Things are coming along for my classroom. There’s still more to do, but of course, there will always be more to do.

The care-free part of the summer was the catch. Setting up a classroom and preparing to teach twenty-one second graders is not exactly a care-free venture. And preparing to teach means very little time for a job, meaning no income. Fun!

I’m also not a huge fan of change. To be a little more honest, I absolutely loathe change, for the most part. It has been a summer of lots of big changes. A change of dreams, a change of location, a change of jobs, a change in friendships. It’s been a lot to handle emotionally. Somehow, my friend’s blog from a long long time ago, popped into mind. I re-read it, and honestly, I can’t put it much better than he did. So, I’ll just anonymously quote him:

“The last fourteen days have been quite the rollercoaster. But it seems that most of the ride has been downward with not nearly enough ups to balance it out. Some days are definitely better than others, but they seem fewer and farther between than the harder days. Its hard to put thoughts into words sometimes -- it seems that right now is a time when it is even more difficult for me to do so… I have loved the outdoors my entire life. Constantly I find myself stuck at work or in a class and the only thing I want to do is run away up into mountains that surround and taunt me. Never has the desire to follow those urgings be as strong as they have been lately. Its the calm and serenity that can be found in the mountains that draw me to them… Times will be rough, but they're bound to get better. So grab your favorite Dr. Seuss book, find a quiet corner, read and think of the simple things that really make this life wonderful.” Thanks friend!

And now, facing my own frustrations, I finally understand what my friend meant. The thing that has brought me the most solace and comfort is an occasional long drive through the Canyon, windows down, music blasting, and children’s books, and being able to laugh and cry – a simple but powerful gift.

Last night, the urge to drive hit at about 3 AM. My friend talked me into staying home for safety reasons. But tonight, tonight I’m going. There’s nothing like these beautiful Utah Canyons, with their waterfalls, and sunsets. I can’t think of a better idea. Thanks for the wisdom friend!

The Light at the End of My Tunnel

HUZZAH!!!!!
I just finished my last paper for BYU! Yay! Ok, so technically, that's a lie. I still have the teacher work sample to worry about next year, but that's EIGHT MONTHS AWAY! So, I am choosing to revel in the joy of being virtually done with this semester! The truth of the matter is, I still have 3 days of classes left, but I worked my bum off the last couple of days to get all my projects and stuff done tonight. It feels SO nice! It's a good thing it came now, too, because my patience is thinner than it has ever been.
My psycho-pants professors who think that lecturing me about how I'm going to be an amazing teacher and telling me that I should take pre-natal vitamins over the summer to gear up for the next school year, are driving me CRAZY!!!! I am SO SO SO done with this semester. I feel like I have worked harder this semester than I ever have in my entire life, and feel like I have somehow accomplished less. It's a horrible feeling, so no, the glass hasn't really been half full academically recently.
It sure filled up tonight though! I've just become "past feeling" academically. So yeah, I'm not going to get the greatest grades this semester, but I just don't care. C's get degrees baby... Actually, it's C- 's, but that just wouldn't rhyme. And I'm pretty sure if one more of my classmates complains about having to settle for an A- rather than the usual A+, I'm gonna hurl... something at them!
Yeah... The thought of no more projects or papers except those that I WANT to do this summer is quite glorious! So, here's to the end of papers and projects, the end of sleep-deprivation, the tantrums and frosty-and-fry-runs that got me through, and the beginning of rest and relaxation, leisure reading, camping, hiking, swimming, lounging around the pool, bike rides, movie premiers, soccer games, road trips, and PLENTY of doing whatever the heck I want, whenever I want! Here's to me, and finally reaching the light at the end of my tunnel. And here's to the rest of you who will be joining me in 12 days!

Go Big or Go HOME!

So far, this year has been a year of firsts for me. I began the year with my first filling and my first X-ray on the same day. This weekend was another first for me.
This weekend was everyone's last chance to leave town until the end of the semester. Everyone that could went south to California or Moab, or wherever. I got an invite to go to St. George with my cousins. My uncle has a house down there, and since I had never been to St. George, and for many other reasons, I got out of town as soon as I could on Friday. Unfortunately, I was traveling alone. When you're traveling with other people, half of the fun is getting there, when you're not, getting there can be quite boring, even a chore. To liven things up, I thought it'd be awesome to have a bit of a thrill and set the cruise control at 100... Aparently the state trooper didn't think it was a great idea. He was polite and all, and of course pulled off the side of the road right after me and followed me for a while after handing me my ticket for $232. My friends mostly laughed when I told them, and so did my cousins, but the parental units didn't find it that funny and took every opportunity to remind me to "slow down" whether I was in the car driving or not. Seriously, it was the first time I've ever been pulled over, and the first ticket I've ever gotten. That's probably why I still have my liscense and only a $232 ticket rather than reckless driving. Basically, I'm amazing... As my cousin said, "Go big or go home!"
The rest of the weekend was great. I made it to and from St. George safely, no problems other than a fun snow storm on the way home. The weather in St. George was awesome, and I really enjoyed the relaxation with my cousins. There's nothing quite like boating in February! My uncle even let me drive the boat. It was great! I almost feel like I can handle the rest of the semester, including the insane two weeks I have coming up with practicum and the Praxis. Am I crazy? Probably. But what the hey, I feel really good, and that hasn't happened in a long while. It's quite refreshing!

Past done with Winter

So, the last few days/week I have been in a really weird mood. I don't really know what is wrong, and answering questions about why I'm not myself is getting really old. I am perpetually exhausted, which, I'm learning is just part of the game as an elementary school teacher (and a teacher in training). I have fleeting moments when I want to hang out with people, but if the moment passes, I have no desire. I always have fun when I do spend time with people, but it takes a lot of will power to get me there. I'm all smiles around people, but it fades quickly when I'm not in public. I'm ridiculously busy, but my productive days are few and far between. I'm usually happy go lucky, but lately I find it takes more energy than I seem to be able to muster.

If you know me, this isn't like me. My roommates especially have noticed and ask rather often, "Are you ok? You're not yourself." Well, I've noticed too, but I honestly have no idea what, if anything is wrong. Thinking back, I felt this way last winter too. I was restless, tired, had severe cabin fever, and yet didn't really want to do anything. So, for now at least, I'll just blame it on the weather. When everything around you is icy cold and gray, and the mountains, which are usually breathtaking this time of year, are obscured by an inversion, it's hard to be happy and jolly trudging back and forth to campus.

I know a lot of things are going to change this summer, and to be honest, I'm terrified of change. I hate it with every fiber of my being. But this time, instead of everyone around me changing, and me feeling left behind, I'm changing too. I don't want to wish away the precious time that we have together, but I really wish April would come quickly. I'm ready to be able to go camping, and to be done with classes and only have to go to work, and spend the rest of the time playing and taking road trips. I need SUNLIGHT!

Home-spun therapy.

One of the wonderful things about blogs are that they are a wonderful place to vent. Generally I have friends to vent to, and believe me, I did several times today, but the best thing about a blog is I can say whatever I want and no one really reads it, so I can't possibly offend or anger anyone. Phenomenal. So, now I'm going to send my thoughts into the infinite abyss of the internet. Enjoy!

So, the last few days, someone I know has dragged me into a rather awful mess and well, it sucks. Sparing most of the gory details, let's see how much I can relay. Basically, relationship issues came up, and this person I know decided to play the middle man, and twice in the space of two days forced me to choose sides and used me to get information that wasn't private, but that I didn't want to give. I was supposed to go to a Jon Schmidt concert on campus tonight with my roomates. It happened that this person was going to be there and I found out. Considering that the second time this person dragged me into the position of middle man happened only hours ago, I lost all desire to go to a concert that I would normally kill to attend. I made the executive decision to stay home, ditching 8 friends, because I knew that I wouldn't enjoy myself for being distracted, angry, and hurt.

I am convinced that there are other factors to this executive decision of mine: like the fact that I am completely and utterly exhausted, not to mention hormonal. Nevertheless, I couldn't handle going, so here I sit on my couch after a nice long hard cry, surrounded by the things I love, that bring me comfort. I'm wrapped in the blanket my mom made me, holding the teddy bear my freshman roomate gave me, I played the piano long and hard, I've turned on a mix of all the Jon Schmidt stuff I own, thus providing my own private living room concert, free of charge, I'm therapeutically venting my frustrations and writing away my anger and hurt into oblivion, and the second I post this, I will grab the nearest Dr. Seuss book, read it, and then sleep until I leave in an hour to go get Krispy Kreme doughnuts for a game night with my dearest friends who care too much about me to ever put me in a situation like this.

Thank goodness for home-spun therapy.

Happy New Year to You!

So, I am officially the last one to update. Yay me! Facebook has just become way easier and faster, but this is still a fun little distraction when I should be studying!

Life in general has been way good recently, and I've realized that that is mostly due to my amazing friends and roommates. I have seriously never had such great roommates. And we have had some amazing fun!

So anyway, considering that it's a New Year and stuff, here's a recap for me to send out into the infinite abyss...
2006 Firsts and Nifty Accomplishments:
~sewing a wearable article of clothing all by my little lonesome (without my Mom to do it for me)
~my first near-death spinning experience in the Canyon
~my first practicum experience
~my first ebay.uk purchase (pounds confuse me. Thank goodness for Rachael!)
~my first professional soccer game - Real Salt Lake v. Real Madrid. Word.
~my first 4th of July in Utah - seriously great fireworks, and I grew up in Virginia!
~my first World Cup Experience (I hate to admit that I never cared before now)
~my first midnight showing(s) - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and Pirates of the Carribbean II
~I learned to change a tail light
~I almost went into my first bar hunting down a soccer team... but didn't.
~I turned 21, becoming legal to do the aforementioned item, but still haven't. Seriously, what would I do in there? (oh, and my birthday was, no joke, one of the best one's of my life!)
~I drove across the country with my mother
~I went to Music and the Spoken Word for the first time
~ok, I personally had nothing to do with this, but, I want to celebrate it: BYU had a WINNING season and went to the VEGAS BOWL, and kicked the Ducks' TRASH!

New Vocabulary:
word. huzzah. chickenhead. awesome-ticity. Wednesday Night Excursion!

Most frequently eaten food - Krispy Kreme donuts.
Most frequently watched movie - Love Actually.
Most frequently attended sport - BYU Women's Soccer!
Most frequently worn color - COUGAR blue BABY!

So, for 2007:Well, I kicked off the New Year with the traditional ball drop, appetizers, sparkling drinks, and fireworks. Then I got my first filling and my first X-ray all in the same day.Big plans: pay off my piano, get completely out of debt (CC, piano, etc. Everything but Student Loans), finish my BYU classes, and begin real life as a teacher!

Firsts to look forward too: My first kiss, and my first real relationship. Never had either, and, well, who knows, 2007 may be the year! I'm still trying to convince my dad that I deserve $100 for making it to the age of 21 without ever being kissed, without ever getting in a serious accident, and without ever having a filling, or serious medical problems. (I waited until after 21 to spring all those on him!)

Goals: Well, I'd like to spend more time at the temple, exercise more often, and be super consistent in all those good habits I'm forming. But mostly, as these next 4 months are the last ones I'll have with some of the best romates I've ever had, I really want to live it up. A lot is going to change this year, and well, change scares the pooh out of me, but, it's been a wonderful ride thus far, and I have no reason to believe that will change. I want to stress less, and laugh more, if that's possible. A few experiences recently have smacked me over the head with the reality that life is short, and you never know what's going to happen. Basically, I want to look back on 2007 and be able to honestly say that I LIVED it!