"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." ~Annie Dillard

I just spent three glorious days in Draper with my adorable, sweet cousins. I spent a lot of time helping two of my cousins babysit her sister's neighbors' kids (confusing I know). Essentially, I spent most of my weekend babysitting, and cooking, but it was so fun, and exactly what I needed!

Friday I spent the whole day working really hard to get as many of my projects and classes finished before I left for Draper at 7:30. I took two tests in the space of an hour, and actually felt good about both of them! I finished 2 art assignments, which completed that class. I also finished my children's book for my music class. That project took so long! All total it cost me about $30 and at least 15 hours. It was absolutely ridiculous, but, I think it looks great, and I'm just really glad to be done. One of my friends told me I should really try to get it published. I'm not sure if it's that good, but, yeah. We'll see what my professor said - I'm all over extra money, if someone will really pay me for it! When I got home around 4:30 that afternoon, I cleaned my apartment, did my laundry, and cleaned my room.

I spent Friday night, Saturday, and most of Sunday with my cousins. We did lots of crafts, watched "Lady and the Tramp" and "Baby Signing Time" about five times each, and the usual Easter festivities (an easter egg hunt for the kids, and a large dinner complete with strawberry trifle, and eclair cake for the adults)! In reality, I spent a lot of time babysitting and cooking, but it didn't matter because I was with my family! One of the little girls my cousins were babysitting was one and my other little cousin was one and a half. They are two of the cutests and sweetest kids I have ever seen! They are so innocent, trusting, and affectionate. My favorite thing about the whole weekend was cuddling with them just before their naps. There's nothing quite like having those tiny little fingers wrap around one of yours and guide you around the yard to look at the little things we often take for granted (the swingset, the rocks, the grass), or having those two little hands reach up, begging for you to pick them up. Those are the moments that make life truly beautiful.

I have to say that being away from Provo gave me a much needed break, and helped me to regain my perspective, which, I must admit, had been slipping a little. On the way back to Provo, I was talking to my aunt and uncle, and I realized that I am at a perfect place in my life. I am in a perfect position as far as my education and career are concerned, to get married at any time. I was able to step back and realize some of the little ways that the Lord has proided for me. I gained some perspective on a dear friend of mine, whom I love, which was definitely needed. I'm so looking forward to this coming spring and summer! I just have to make it through the next week and a half. But I have stopped caring about my grades and started caring about what I learn.

This weekend I stayed with my cousins at a stranger's house (remember, they were babysitting). I absolutely loved the way she had decorated her house. One of the walls had a wonderful quote about peace on it, that I love. This isn't the exact one, but, pretty close:

"Peace is not an absence of chaos or trouble, but to be in the midst of all these things and be calm in your heart."

Amid the chaos, and sometimes trouble, of my daily life, I'm perfectly content where I am - single, not dating, working hard at work and school - because I am at peace. I am calm about my future. I know that one day I will get married, and whether it is someone I think I would like to marry right now, or someone I still have not met, I know that the Lord will provide a way for it to happen in his time and not my own. While everything around me is changing, I am completely content knowing that no matter what separates us, we will all come together again one day and revel in the joy and love of friendships rekindled and strengthened. That is a peaceful, calming thought!

So much to say, so little ways to say it...

It's really hard to put what I'm feeling into words right now. I read an e-mail today from a dear friend who is serving a mission in Ukraine. We were good friends freshman year, and kept in touch over the summer until he went on a mission. I wrote him faithfully almost every month for the first 15 months of his mission. These last 6 it's been a little more infrequent, but his mother forwards me his weekly e-mails, and while I may not always have time to write, he is in my thoughts quite often. He comes home in 59 days... but who's counting. In his e-mail he was making plans for the summer and for returning to school. I really can't believe he's coming home. I can't believe it's been two years!

It's interesting because when I told people about saying good-bye to him, everyone always says, "oh, he likes you. You don't have a good-be like that with someone you don't care about." That's just it. We care about each other. I don't know that it's romantic. But whenever I have troubles with other guys, all my friends say, "Well, Stephen's coming home..." Yeah, he is. Lots of people ask me if I plan on going on a mission. I don't feel like I should go on a mission, I've only wanted to in passing, more because it was a cool thing to do and less because I really wanted to. I've never really envisioned myself on a mission, but rather married. It's funny because it's almost two years until my girl friends will be home from their missions. That's a long time and so much can happen in that time - look at Amie and Jared! They went from not knowing each other existed to being happily married with a newborn baby boy!

It was interesting the feelings I had when I read his e-mail today. Reading his e-mail today, though, he really has direction. Since becoming friends with Dave, that is something that has become a necessity for my husband. He's got to have direction. Stephen wants to major in International Relations and probably go to graduate school. He's so ambitious and so driven. It's impressive. I've spent over two years convincing myself that we're never going to date, much less get married, and now as his homecoming gets closer and closer, I get more and more excited. It's not a nervous excited, but a peaceful excitement, almost an assurance. It's very hard to describe.

Everyone says they can totally see me with someone like Stephen, and truth be told, I don't think I've really met anyone that could take his place in my heart. Maybe I eventually will. One of my good friends told me a few minutes ago that she can see me married in the next two years. It's so funny because I have no idea if that will actually happen, or who it will happen with. I've often wondered what it will be like to really fall in love, and how I'll know. My friend's boyfriend put it the way I imagine it, "there's no one else in the world I would rather be with."

I don't know. I often wonder what it will be like, and how it will feel to fall in love. But mostly, I just dream. I don't really know how I'll know, but, I know I'll know.