"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss

I envisioned this summer as a care-free blast, with time to get everything ready for my classroom, and have lots of fun and rest to boot. Well, I’ve had my fun, and I’ve slept a lot, way more than is probably necessary. Things are coming along for my classroom. There’s still more to do, but of course, there will always be more to do.

The care-free part of the summer was the catch. Setting up a classroom and preparing to teach twenty-one second graders is not exactly a care-free venture. And preparing to teach means very little time for a job, meaning no income. Fun!

I’m also not a huge fan of change. To be a little more honest, I absolutely loathe change, for the most part. It has been a summer of lots of big changes. A change of dreams, a change of location, a change of jobs, a change in friendships. It’s been a lot to handle emotionally. Somehow, my friend’s blog from a long long time ago, popped into mind. I re-read it, and honestly, I can’t put it much better than he did. So, I’ll just anonymously quote him:

“The last fourteen days have been quite the rollercoaster. But it seems that most of the ride has been downward with not nearly enough ups to balance it out. Some days are definitely better than others, but they seem fewer and farther between than the harder days. Its hard to put thoughts into words sometimes -- it seems that right now is a time when it is even more difficult for me to do so… I have loved the outdoors my entire life. Constantly I find myself stuck at work or in a class and the only thing I want to do is run away up into mountains that surround and taunt me. Never has the desire to follow those urgings be as strong as they have been lately. Its the calm and serenity that can be found in the mountains that draw me to them… Times will be rough, but they're bound to get better. So grab your favorite Dr. Seuss book, find a quiet corner, read and think of the simple things that really make this life wonderful.” Thanks friend!

And now, facing my own frustrations, I finally understand what my friend meant. The thing that has brought me the most solace and comfort is an occasional long drive through the Canyon, windows down, music blasting, and children’s books, and being able to laugh and cry – a simple but powerful gift.

Last night, the urge to drive hit at about 3 AM. My friend talked me into staying home for safety reasons. But tonight, tonight I’m going. There’s nothing like these beautiful Utah Canyons, with their waterfalls, and sunsets. I can’t think of a better idea. Thanks for the wisdom friend!

The Light at the End of My Tunnel

HUZZAH!!!!!
I just finished my last paper for BYU! Yay! Ok, so technically, that's a lie. I still have the teacher work sample to worry about next year, but that's EIGHT MONTHS AWAY! So, I am choosing to revel in the joy of being virtually done with this semester! The truth of the matter is, I still have 3 days of classes left, but I worked my bum off the last couple of days to get all my projects and stuff done tonight. It feels SO nice! It's a good thing it came now, too, because my patience is thinner than it has ever been.
My psycho-pants professors who think that lecturing me about how I'm going to be an amazing teacher and telling me that I should take pre-natal vitamins over the summer to gear up for the next school year, are driving me CRAZY!!!! I am SO SO SO done with this semester. I feel like I have worked harder this semester than I ever have in my entire life, and feel like I have somehow accomplished less. It's a horrible feeling, so no, the glass hasn't really been half full academically recently.
It sure filled up tonight though! I've just become "past feeling" academically. So yeah, I'm not going to get the greatest grades this semester, but I just don't care. C's get degrees baby... Actually, it's C- 's, but that just wouldn't rhyme. And I'm pretty sure if one more of my classmates complains about having to settle for an A- rather than the usual A+, I'm gonna hurl... something at them!
Yeah... The thought of no more projects or papers except those that I WANT to do this summer is quite glorious! So, here's to the end of papers and projects, the end of sleep-deprivation, the tantrums and frosty-and-fry-runs that got me through, and the beginning of rest and relaxation, leisure reading, camping, hiking, swimming, lounging around the pool, bike rides, movie premiers, soccer games, road trips, and PLENTY of doing whatever the heck I want, whenever I want! Here's to me, and finally reaching the light at the end of my tunnel. And here's to the rest of you who will be joining me in 12 days!

Go Big or Go HOME!

So far, this year has been a year of firsts for me. I began the year with my first filling and my first X-ray on the same day. This weekend was another first for me.
This weekend was everyone's last chance to leave town until the end of the semester. Everyone that could went south to California or Moab, or wherever. I got an invite to go to St. George with my cousins. My uncle has a house down there, and since I had never been to St. George, and for many other reasons, I got out of town as soon as I could on Friday. Unfortunately, I was traveling alone. When you're traveling with other people, half of the fun is getting there, when you're not, getting there can be quite boring, even a chore. To liven things up, I thought it'd be awesome to have a bit of a thrill and set the cruise control at 100... Aparently the state trooper didn't think it was a great idea. He was polite and all, and of course pulled off the side of the road right after me and followed me for a while after handing me my ticket for $232. My friends mostly laughed when I told them, and so did my cousins, but the parental units didn't find it that funny and took every opportunity to remind me to "slow down" whether I was in the car driving or not. Seriously, it was the first time I've ever been pulled over, and the first ticket I've ever gotten. That's probably why I still have my liscense and only a $232 ticket rather than reckless driving. Basically, I'm amazing... As my cousin said, "Go big or go home!"
The rest of the weekend was great. I made it to and from St. George safely, no problems other than a fun snow storm on the way home. The weather in St. George was awesome, and I really enjoyed the relaxation with my cousins. There's nothing quite like boating in February! My uncle even let me drive the boat. It was great! I almost feel like I can handle the rest of the semester, including the insane two weeks I have coming up with practicum and the Praxis. Am I crazy? Probably. But what the hey, I feel really good, and that hasn't happened in a long while. It's quite refreshing!

Past done with Winter

So, the last few days/week I have been in a really weird mood. I don't really know what is wrong, and answering questions about why I'm not myself is getting really old. I am perpetually exhausted, which, I'm learning is just part of the game as an elementary school teacher (and a teacher in training). I have fleeting moments when I want to hang out with people, but if the moment passes, I have no desire. I always have fun when I do spend time with people, but it takes a lot of will power to get me there. I'm all smiles around people, but it fades quickly when I'm not in public. I'm ridiculously busy, but my productive days are few and far between. I'm usually happy go lucky, but lately I find it takes more energy than I seem to be able to muster.

If you know me, this isn't like me. My roommates especially have noticed and ask rather often, "Are you ok? You're not yourself." Well, I've noticed too, but I honestly have no idea what, if anything is wrong. Thinking back, I felt this way last winter too. I was restless, tired, had severe cabin fever, and yet didn't really want to do anything. So, for now at least, I'll just blame it on the weather. When everything around you is icy cold and gray, and the mountains, which are usually breathtaking this time of year, are obscured by an inversion, it's hard to be happy and jolly trudging back and forth to campus.

I know a lot of things are going to change this summer, and to be honest, I'm terrified of change. I hate it with every fiber of my being. But this time, instead of everyone around me changing, and me feeling left behind, I'm changing too. I don't want to wish away the precious time that we have together, but I really wish April would come quickly. I'm ready to be able to go camping, and to be done with classes and only have to go to work, and spend the rest of the time playing and taking road trips. I need SUNLIGHT!

Home-spun therapy.

One of the wonderful things about blogs are that they are a wonderful place to vent. Generally I have friends to vent to, and believe me, I did several times today, but the best thing about a blog is I can say whatever I want and no one really reads it, so I can't possibly offend or anger anyone. Phenomenal. So, now I'm going to send my thoughts into the infinite abyss of the internet. Enjoy!

So, the last few days, someone I know has dragged me into a rather awful mess and well, it sucks. Sparing most of the gory details, let's see how much I can relay. Basically, relationship issues came up, and this person I know decided to play the middle man, and twice in the space of two days forced me to choose sides and used me to get information that wasn't private, but that I didn't want to give. I was supposed to go to a Jon Schmidt concert on campus tonight with my roomates. It happened that this person was going to be there and I found out. Considering that the second time this person dragged me into the position of middle man happened only hours ago, I lost all desire to go to a concert that I would normally kill to attend. I made the executive decision to stay home, ditching 8 friends, because I knew that I wouldn't enjoy myself for being distracted, angry, and hurt.

I am convinced that there are other factors to this executive decision of mine: like the fact that I am completely and utterly exhausted, not to mention hormonal. Nevertheless, I couldn't handle going, so here I sit on my couch after a nice long hard cry, surrounded by the things I love, that bring me comfort. I'm wrapped in the blanket my mom made me, holding the teddy bear my freshman roomate gave me, I played the piano long and hard, I've turned on a mix of all the Jon Schmidt stuff I own, thus providing my own private living room concert, free of charge, I'm therapeutically venting my frustrations and writing away my anger and hurt into oblivion, and the second I post this, I will grab the nearest Dr. Seuss book, read it, and then sleep until I leave in an hour to go get Krispy Kreme doughnuts for a game night with my dearest friends who care too much about me to ever put me in a situation like this.

Thank goodness for home-spun therapy.

Happy New Year to You!

So, I am officially the last one to update. Yay me! Facebook has just become way easier and faster, but this is still a fun little distraction when I should be studying!

Life in general has been way good recently, and I've realized that that is mostly due to my amazing friends and roommates. I have seriously never had such great roommates. And we have had some amazing fun!

So anyway, considering that it's a New Year and stuff, here's a recap for me to send out into the infinite abyss...
2006 Firsts and Nifty Accomplishments:
~sewing a wearable article of clothing all by my little lonesome (without my Mom to do it for me)
~my first near-death spinning experience in the Canyon
~my first practicum experience
~my first ebay.uk purchase (pounds confuse me. Thank goodness for Rachael!)
~my first professional soccer game - Real Salt Lake v. Real Madrid. Word.
~my first 4th of July in Utah - seriously great fireworks, and I grew up in Virginia!
~my first World Cup Experience (I hate to admit that I never cared before now)
~my first midnight showing(s) - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and Pirates of the Carribbean II
~I learned to change a tail light
~I almost went into my first bar hunting down a soccer team... but didn't.
~I turned 21, becoming legal to do the aforementioned item, but still haven't. Seriously, what would I do in there? (oh, and my birthday was, no joke, one of the best one's of my life!)
~I drove across the country with my mother
~I went to Music and the Spoken Word for the first time
~ok, I personally had nothing to do with this, but, I want to celebrate it: BYU had a WINNING season and went to the VEGAS BOWL, and kicked the Ducks' TRASH!

New Vocabulary:
word. huzzah. chickenhead. awesome-ticity. Wednesday Night Excursion!

Most frequently eaten food - Krispy Kreme donuts.
Most frequently watched movie - Love Actually.
Most frequently attended sport - BYU Women's Soccer!
Most frequently worn color - COUGAR blue BABY!

So, for 2007:Well, I kicked off the New Year with the traditional ball drop, appetizers, sparkling drinks, and fireworks. Then I got my first filling and my first X-ray all in the same day.Big plans: pay off my piano, get completely out of debt (CC, piano, etc. Everything but Student Loans), finish my BYU classes, and begin real life as a teacher!

Firsts to look forward too: My first kiss, and my first real relationship. Never had either, and, well, who knows, 2007 may be the year! I'm still trying to convince my dad that I deserve $100 for making it to the age of 21 without ever being kissed, without ever getting in a serious accident, and without ever having a filling, or serious medical problems. (I waited until after 21 to spring all those on him!)

Goals: Well, I'd like to spend more time at the temple, exercise more often, and be super consistent in all those good habits I'm forming. But mostly, as these next 4 months are the last ones I'll have with some of the best romates I've ever had, I really want to live it up. A lot is going to change this year, and well, change scares the pooh out of me, but, it's been a wonderful ride thus far, and I have no reason to believe that will change. I want to stress less, and laugh more, if that's possible. A few experiences recently have smacked me over the head with the reality that life is short, and you never know what's going to happen. Basically, I want to look back on 2007 and be able to honestly say that I LIVED it!