"Today was good! Today was fun! Tomorrow is another one!" ~Dr. Seuss

I must say that taking a day off from everything did me a world of good today! I'm sooo much happier now than I was this morning and yesterday. I talked to my mom, and my best friend for a while. I got almost completely caught up or ahead in almost all of my classes.

The moral of the story is, if you ever feel overwhelmed, take a Mental Health Day! Don't abuse the privilege, and use it sparingly, only when necessary. There is much to be said in behalf of a change of pace, and a little time out in the sun. Yes, I even got a slight sunburn today. So, do it. I dare you. Take a Mental Health Day sometime when you really really need it. See if it doesn't do the trick!

Bad Mornings...

Have you ever had one of those mornings when you have a really hard time getting out of bed, and then, after being awake for a few hours, you realize, "Today just really isn't my day!" It's even worse when you have two in a row, and when one of them is on a Monday, which is inherently the worst day of the week anyway.

Well, this morning was like that for me. Last night I resolved to ask this guy out for this play this weekend. He's in my FHE group, and is just a really great guy. I found out from a friend that I he's not interested in anyone right now, but thinks I'm a cool girl and would be really fun to go on a date with. I was super excited and my neighbor was going to ask this guy she thinks is cool.

Well, I skipped my 8 o'clock class because was completely unprepared for it. My neighbor came over and told me she didn't want to go anymore. We thought of another guy for her to ask, but, then found out that he is dating someone, or at least we think he is. So, now she's at work debating it with other friends, and I'm totally bummed out. See, it's totally perfect for me to ask the guy that I was going to ask because he's not interested in anyone, and I'm not interested in anyone, so there would be no pressure and we would just have fun. Sometimes it's just nice to go on a date every once in a while. But, I don't ask guys out very often... Just because there seems to be the connotation that if I actually put forth the effort to ask a guy, I must like him. So, I'm essentially too chicken to go on a single date with him, even though I know it would be really fun. Single dates are almost inherently awkward as a first date.

So, I went for a walk and called my mom and my friend, but no one was home. I'm seriously on the verge of tears. How lame. Anyway, I refuse to start my week this way. So, I'm not going to class. I've made the executive decision to take the day off from school and work and get caught up in my classes. So, now I'm sitting in my room wearing sunglasses and blasting my music, with my window wide open, enjoying the weather as much as possible.

I'll start my week tomorrow, with my Pearl of Great Price class at 8 a.m.

It is officially time for spring!

Well, I think I've realized the solution to last night's problem. While buying a car would be wonderful, it's not realistic... Maybe this summer, but, no time soon.

I talked about needing to go drive through the canyons and just escape into my own thoughts and the captivating beauty that are the Rocky Mountains. Sometimes you do just need that time. My sweet friend came over today and offered to drive me through the canyon. I almost took her up on the offer, but declined for two reasons. First, being driven through the canyons is not the same as driving through the canyons as fast or slow as you want, with the windows down, and being able to choose whatever music you want. Second, there's just not enough time in the day!

Here comes my solution...
It needs to be spring. I think at least half of my problem is cabin fever. I'm tired of being stuck inside all the time. And, while it is now starting to warm up, unfortunately, most of the warm daylight hours are spent inside in class or at work. Even my Saturdays are taken up by homework and indoor activities. I suppose I could adapt many of these activities for the outdoors, however, there is entirely too little grass in Utah! There are few trees, and almost no grass because everything is developed.

But there are canyons. Beautiful canyons. Maybe one day I will take my friend up on her offer to drive me through the canyon. I always feel like a moocher when I do that though. Well, relatively soon I will have my own car, and while I'll have to conserve gas, I will be able to take off to the canyons whenever I want. For now, though, I'll just have to admire them from a distance. Spring better come fast, and decide to stay for a VERY long time.

Forgotten...

So, for the most part my posts have been pretty positive and uplifting. And that is how I've felt most of the time these last couple of weeks. But, I need to vent really fast. I'll probably delete it soon anyway, so it won't really matter.

I'm tired of being forgotten. All of my friends are going on dates or at least doing something fun on the weekends, and I'm not. I spend all my time doing homework, or working on something, and hardly do anything fun. I know I shouldn't complain and should just find something fun to do on my own. But really, there is a limit to the number of movies you can watch by yourself, before you start feeling left behind. I'm really happy for all my friends who are interested in someone, dating someone, engaged to someone, or married to someone. I have none of the above, and yeah, if you're not happy single, you won't be happy married. I know that.

Most of the time, I am happy. But I'm really tired of planning fun things that everyone thinks would be really fun, but obviously aren't fun enough to comit to. I'm tired of having to rely on everyone else for rides and such, or else I would just leave. I would take off and drive when I need alone time, or when I'm tired of being alone, and want to drive and blast the music to vent.

I'm just tired of being forgotten. I want to spend time with the people that I love, but they're all off in their lovey-dovey world, or off despising the lovey-dovey world on their own. It gets old.

And yet, there's nothing I can do about any of it. I'm not going to shut myself off from my friends. I'll keep on planning things, and every once in awhile, it will work out. So, I'll just have to get over it. And probably, by tomorrow morning, or at least tomorrow night, I will be. We probably won't go to Harry Potter tomorrow because everyone else will have something better to do, but fine. I'll sit at home and watch a movie, or play the piano. That will be my fun for the week I guess. I'm just so tired of being disappointed. Don't tell me you're coming if you're not. Don't make me wonder either. If you don't want to go, or aren't sure, then just tell me you're not coming. Don't keep me waiting, and then if you do end up coming, I'll be pleasantly surprised. But I'm done asking a billion times until I get a straight answer.

Well, going on our theme from a few posts ago, here's a little Seuss wisdom to help lift the heart:

"I'm afraid that some times
you'll play lonely games too.
Games you can't win
'cause you'll play against you.
All Alone!
Whether you like it or not,
Alone will be something you'll be quite a lot.
And when you're alone there's a very good chance
you'll meet things that scare you right out of your pants.
There are some, down the road between hither and yon
that can scare you so much you won't want to go on.
But on you will go
though the weather be fowl...
Onward up many a frightening creek,
though your arms may get sore and your sneakers may leak.
On and don you will hike.
And I know you'll hike far
and face up to your problems
whatever they are.
You'll get mixed up, of course,
as you already know.
You'll get mixed up with many strange birds as you go.
So be sure when you step,
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
A Great Balancing Act...
And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percet guaranteed.)
KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!
So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.
So... get on your way!"
~Dr. Seuss in "Oh the Places You'll Go"

We’re all substitutes. ~ Elizabethtown on a Friday night

So, it’s 10:15 on a Friday night, and I’m sitting on my couch writing this blog and watching my favorite scenes from Elizabethtown. I actually borrowed it from my friend tonight and watched it for the first time. Friday nights can be pretty boring when you’re single, but there’s something really remarkable about solitude to discover yourself.



Elizabethtown reminded me so much of home. It’s always chaos when my whole family gets together, but, we wouldn’t have it any other way.. we don’t know any other way!

Some music just needs air, and you have to roll down the windows and blast it. It’s especially wonderful when it’s freezing outside and you have the heater blasting! Sometimes you just need to drive. Sometimes you need to just wallow in misery, “enjoy it, embrace it, discard it, and continue your journey." Sometimes you need to just talk to your Dad (earthly, and heavenly). Sometimes you need to take a moment to gaze at the stars. Sometimes you need to revel in the joy and simplicity of solitude!

We’re all substitutes. We all help fill the void, for a small moment, until we all find the one that will fill the void eternally. I’m okay with substitutes. We need each other.

So, dear reader, if anyone bothers to read, take time to smell the roses. Take all the time it takes to see a shooting star. Find a meadow in the mountains, far away from lights, lay down in the grass and gaze at the Milky Way until you have it solidly captured in your mind. Then, when you can’t physically escape there, you can find a quiet corner, close your eyes, and see it as clear as ever, and remember: " All things are created and made to bear record of me, both things which are temporal, and things which are spiritual; things which are in the heavens above, and things which are on the earth, and things which are in the earth, and things which are under the earth, both above and beneath: all things bear record of me."

So, when life gets rough, grab a blanket, a mug full of hot chocolate, and walk. Walk until you can see the stars, and then, sit somewhere and read your favorite book, regardless of how cold it is. Savor the seconds that make up a lifetime and the simple things that make that life wonderful. You’ll fall asleep smiling if you do.

They Just Called Her on a Mission... She still hasn't grown a foot or two!

So, my good friend Kate got her mission call today!!! She's going to the Taipei Taiwan Mission. She is SOOO excited! She jumped up and down, she screamed, she laughed, and the rest of us laughed and cried.

I'm so excited for her! She's going to be an amazing missionary! I still can't believe this is real. Kate, Jessica, Jill and I have been neighbors for 3 years. Our friend Amie left us last year when she got married, and will have her first son in the beginning of April. Everyone is moving on this summer though. Kate will report to the MTC May 31st, Jessica is getting married in May, and Jill is also planning on going on a mission this summer. She will submit her papers in a month. As for me, I'm staying here in Provo all year. I love my classes, but no big events are happening anytime soon in my life. I must admit that sometimes it makes me sad to think that they will all be gone next year.

Well, here's a fun picture. Can you tell how excited she is?

Yay for Kate the Great!

"Count the garden by the flowers, never by the leaves that fall. Count your life with smiles and not the tears that roll."

This blog originally posted Thursday February 16, 2006:

Well, I'm back after a long break from blogging. Actually, I love blogging, but this semester I have no time. Literally none.

A few days into the semester, I realized how hard it was going to be in every way: physically, emotionally, socially, and spiritually. We're not even half-way through yet, and I'm really really behind. We have a three-day weekend this weekend, but it's also our last holiday of the semester.

The last two weeks have been rather... blah... for me. I was at home on my couch with an upper-respiratory infection for most of that time, bored out of my mind and getting behind in my classes. But, antibiotics work wonders, and after some recovery time, I jumped back into the swing of things. But, I just wasn't happy. I wasn't unhappy either. Just... blah... It was a "blah" two weeks.

Well, all that changed this Sunday. I should also mention that one of my friends and his girlfriend broke up about two weeks ago, and I've been thinking about him and praying for him a lot since then. (It factors into the story).

So anyway, Sunday... I have been having a rough time with one of my roommates, and for the first time in a while, I had the whole house to myself for most of the day. It was really nice. I spent the time reading, playing the piano, and writing in my journal, three of my favorite things. I checked my friends' blogs to see if anyone had written anything recently (they're almost always good for a laugh). The only person who had updated, and was therefore worth a read, was the friend I mentioned above. At the end, he said, "Times will be rough, but they're bound to get better. So grab your favorite Dr. Seuss book, find a quiet corner, read and think of the simple things that really make this life wonderful." So, I decided to take his advice.

I have this book called Seuss-isms: Wise and Witty Prescriptions for Living from the Good Doctor. I pulled it out, along with Oh the Places You'll Go, curled up in my favorite blanket, and read. I laughed, I cried. It made me think, as my friend suggested, of the simple things that really do make this life wonderful. I really do have so much to be thankful for, especially my dear friends who substitute for my family while I am here at school. We have had some really fun experiences, and made some crazy memories. I love it! And while everything is changing, we will still be friends. We'll still keep in touch, it will only require a little more effort.

Well, I found this awesome quote while I was reading:
I have heard there are troubles of more than one kind.
Some come from ahead and some come from behind.
But I've bought a big bat. I'm all ready you see.
Now my troubles are going to have troubles with me!
~Dr. Seuss.

What an awesome thought! It was so awesome that I used it in our ward devotional that night. (I'm one of the few people that can quote Dr. Seuss and Joseph Smith in one sentence and make it work!).

Later Sunday night, my friend Dave came over and we talked for almost two hours. It was wonderful. Sometimes it's just nice to have someone there to listen and offer advice, without judging. Dave is so laid back and positive - even when things by most standards are crappy - and I really admire him for that. We talked about a lot of things, from my struggles with my roommate, to my good friend who is on a mission, his struggles, and even a fireside we had watched with some of our friends several months ago. Honestly, I think we both just needed that at that particular moment.

On Monday I woke up five minutes before I raced out the door to my 8 o'clock class, but, with a decidedly better outlook on life. Nothing particularly exciting happened that day, but it was a good one. On my way home, I was talking to my parents on the phone, and the national anthem came on the loud speaker, so I stopped walking and stopped talking to them while the flag on campus was lowered. Since I couldn't really the flag, I just looked around me. My breath was taken away by the beauty that surrounded me. Mount Timpanogos, better known as "Timp" was spectacular. It was covered with snow, but the sky was completely clear blue. Then, the thought came into my mind, "This is all for you. Just remember I understand."

Wow.Tuesday was Valentine's Day. For most single people, it's one of the worst and most annoying days of the year. But, not for me! I was super happy the entire day. I took an enormous bag of candy to school with me, and spent the entire day eating chocolate and sharing it with my friends. I figured if I'm so happy, I should spread the joy. I thought of my friend Dave, and decided to take him lunch at work on my way to class. When I went to drop it off, he wasn't there, and one of the managers that I don't know was there... After I worked up my courage and realized, "hey you're at BYU, everyone's nice, you're not going to get anyone in trouble!", I walked in, and asked if I could leave the bag on Dave's desk. His manager was like, "Hmm.. smells like french fries. Nothing says 'Happy Valentine's Day!' like french fries!" I responded with, "You know that's true... That's why I bought myself some too. I'm sure Dave will share though!" Uh... awkward. I was glad I decided to leave him a note, cuz, he would have thought I was crazy if he came back and his manager said, "Hey, some girl came by and left you some Valentine's Day french fries!" (He probably would have laughed really hard though!) I had class until 7:30 that night, and then I stopped by my friend Mike's house just to chat for a few minutes. Then I went home and did homework all night. Around 10 Dave called to thank me for the lunch, saying it was perfect timing, and asked if he could come do some laundry. I was glad it made him happy. Although most of Tuesday was spent doing school work, it was still fun.

Yesterday was Wednesday, and my longest day. I was on campus for over twelve hours and pretty much wanted to curl up in a ball somewhere by the end of the day. On my way home I was so exhausted I just wanted to cry because it had been a long day. So, I called home and talked to my mom and dad for a while. When I got off the phone I decided to go borrow a movie from Dave. He wasn't around, and I was going to borrow a movie anyway, but I ended up talking with his roommates Taylor and Brent for a little while and watching the olympics with them. After that I went home and went to bed, feeling decidedly better than I had when I was on my way home from campus.

In my religion class we've been talking about Celestial homesickness. I think that was the rut I was stuck in for two weeks. I was pretty tired of and bored with life here. I wanted something more. I wanted to feel like I was home. The last few days I realized that home can be anywhere there is love. The last few days I have felt an outpouring of love from the friends I care the most about, and I have been able, to a small extent, to return that love to them. I know I will never be completely happy until I return to my eternal home, but, that doesn't mean that this life isn't wonderful, or that I cannot be happy here. Like my friend said, life has it's hard times, but, they will always get better, but while you're waiting, focus on the simple things that make life incredible, and so worth it.

Happy New Year!!! (Yeah, I'm a tad bit late)

Ok... slightly awkward, but I accidentally deleted this blog, which I meant to keep... Silly me. So, in order to get it back on in the original order it was written, I had to remove everything else, so now, it looks like I've been an obsessive compulsive blogger the today... Oh well, what can you do?

This blog originally posted January 30, 2006 (still a month late!)

Well, I'm back at school, and decidedly much happier. The 3 weeks we had off for Christmas was a much needed break. I really loved spending so much time with my family. My uncle was diagnosed with leukemia just before I went home. He had his first round of chemotherapy and is now in remission. It was so wonderful to spend time with my extended family. I have the cutest little cousins. Here’s some pictures of my adorable family. I didn’t do anything particularly fun, or go anywhere exciting, but, it was one of the best Christmases I’ve ever had. There’s something wonderful about coming home, I really can’t put it into words.

Over the break I also had a ton of time to think. To reevaluate my priorities, and my life. I suppose everyone does that at the beginning of the year, but, my reevaluating took on a whole new meaning, as I suddenly discovered how much I really miss my dear friend who is serving a mission for our church in Ukraine. I'm working really hard this semester. Between classes and work, I don't have time for much else. However, all of friends make sure that I make time every once in a while for a little fun. I worked so hard these last few weeks that I'm now at home sick on my couch. Actually, I was really impressed two days ago, when my friend text messaged me and we had a brief chat. Since we didn't have a whole lot of time to chat, he said he would come over soon because he wanted to hear all about my "fun life." He also seemed genuinely concerned that I was sick and hadn't bothered to tell him. He's wonderful.

Actually, I'm surrounded by wonderful people. When I told my parents yesterday that I was sick, they seemed really worried, but, I'm surrounded by people who love me and who are taking really great care of me. And most importantly of all, with all the stress I am under and the little dramas I deal with, I am HAPPY!
So here's to a year of glorious changes, hard work, new challenges, amazing friends, and wonderful memories!