To increase in wisdom and stature, and in favor with God and man.

After some great talks on Sunday it's time for my yearly goals post. Last year, I waited until July to post some goals, and they weren't really resolutions. This year, I feel I need to be more specific, but before I do, how about another goals update of the big five.

Goals Review
1. Amateur astronomy - Well, I got my laser pointer - two in fact, and binoculars - now I just have to keep a steady stream of batteries, and get away from the city lights a little more often. Actually, I feel like I've done a good job with this one. I'm more familiar with the sky, and it constantly fascinates me. However, I don't think this goal is the type that can ever be "checked off" the list. :)
2. Get out of debt and become financially stable - Uh, I made huge payments with my Christmas bonus and gifts. :/ However, I haven't touched the personal finance class. Lame, I know. However, all my payments are now successfully set up for automatic withdrawal, and I make extra payments when I can. Yay me!
3. Italy - I started a savings account again. I guess this kind of goes along with #2, but, yeah, I drained my previous one during college, and now I've started one again. Back to Italy, I have no immediate time frame, but, I figure saving money is a good start.
4. A Master's Degree - Well, I quit both a reading and math endorsement program over the course of 2 months. I apparently can't hack it as teacher and student, at least not right now with the extra stuff I'm doing at school. I did, however, take a serious look at the University of Northern Colorado when we were down there. Now I'm just trying to decide if I should quit teaching and go back to school, or find a program I can do while teaching, if this is still as important to me as it was. And I'm trying to decide what to specialize in. I'm leaning more toward Special Education than anything else, actually.
5. Spanish - Yep, absolutely no movement on this one yet. I'm all about baby steps.

This Year's Resolutions
After some particularly wonderful talks on Sunday, I've decided that I will have 4 main goals this year, in four categories, with plans attached. So, here we go.

Increase in Wisdom - For this one, I've decided that I need to study for at least an hour 3 days a week. The Plan: I've got those two Independent Study courses I'm working on - astronomy and personal finance - not to mention a book study at work and other education research I could be doing. So, I figure if I spend Tuesdays on Astronomy, Wednesdays on Personal Finance, and Thursdays on Education (book study or other topics), then I've got a good study habit going that may help me with goal #4 above.

Increase in Stature - I know this is cliche, but, I want to be healthier. I have this habit of eating out a lot, but I'd like to get over that, and exercise more. I love going hiking and stuff, but it's not always particularly pleasant. The Plan: I need to get healthier, easy-to-make stuff at home - and eat it! And I need to find something I enjoy doing - swimming, biking, walking - and do it for 30 minutes at least 3 days a week. Again, it's all about the baby steps. Or maybe I'll start using my pedometer again. That was a fun little motivator.

In Favor with God - Lately, I've felt this urgency to prepare to go to the temple. There's lots of little aspects to that, but, that is my over-all goal. The Plan: The baby steps with that are 1) keep up with our family BoM reading schedule (part of helping Ty prepare for his mission), 2)go to the temple at least monthly, 3)keep up with tithing, fasting, etc., 4) work on the prayer report-back thing by writing briefly, twice-daily in my journal - once in the morning, once in the evening, setting goals and reporting back, and 5) include the Lord in all aspects of my life (not which can of food I'll buy, but, especially in my work life).

In Favor with Man - That sounds a little different, but let's simplify it to a social goal. I want to work on having better language. Now, I don't curse like a sailor, but, I could improve the words I use in frustration and anger, and work on avoiding the appearance of gossip and other negative forms of talk. The Plan: This one's my favorite plan! The first part of the plan, is to be fully active in my old/new ward. Yep, I'm having my records transferred back - at least that's the idea - we'll get the official word on Sunday. Phase one of the plan includes attending all Sunday meetings, FHE, Institute, and as many of the other activities as I can, with the idea being that I will develop and improve lasting relationships, and surround myself with people who uplift and encourage me to be my best self. Phase two of the plan is just to be more aware of myself and my speech, and to consciously make it as positive and uplifting as possible, especially with my students and co-workers.

Reflections of an Oldest Child

There are a few choice blessings afforded to those of us privileged enough to be the oldest in the family. Granted, some are definitely blessings in disguise - having stricter curfews and "harsher" rules. But others are pretty nice perks - getting undivided Mom & Dad time for years, building the parent-child friendship first, generally being first at just about everything (driving, college, etc.). Also, if you're LDS and your parents are cool enough to have eternal callings in the youth program, you get some more undivided parent time, not to mention daddy daughter dances. As you get older, there is the added bonus of getting to chapperone your younger siblings' dances.

Yes, it's true. I am old enough to do that - the privilege is afforded to anyone over the age of 21. Now, as much as I complained and poked fun (because truly the music hasn't changed in the almost 10 years since I first started coming; but the stake "mixer intervention" ratio has drastically increased!) it was pretty entertaining!

I was also made aware of how cool it really was to have my dad at stake dances. As I watched him with my sister tonight, swooping in at the exact right moment, I wondered how many times he did that for me.

Yep, it's true. I have the coolest dad ever. And when I come home, I still get daddy-daughter dance privileges. How's that for oldest child privileges?

Yes, I stole this from Marae...

But, c'mon, it's not that personal, and why not send a to-do list out into the void. Maybe it'll help keep me straight, in lieu of having my nifty sticky note/to-do list widgets on my computer that I no longer use daily. So, in no particular order:

Before I leave
Go to Monticello and purchase a thimble.
Pack to head back to Utah
Plan ahead 2 weeks for school (including next week's newsletter).
Make emergency sub plans
Get a haircut
Ship some of my stuff back to Utah (ridiculous, I know, but I've never, ever, been a light packer - have bag, will fill to the brim!)
Finish mom's book
Make a skirt with my new sewing machine!!!
Return the sewing machine bag that is probably not necessary to get my aforementioned gift back to Utah via carry-on luggage!
See the grandparents, and as many uncles and cousins as possible at least one more time before leaving
Find a ride from the airport

When I get back
Clean my car
Revamp the emergency supplies at school and in the vehicle.
Unpack
Figure out when church is and settle that whole arrangement.

It's the Most Wonderful Time of the Year!

I LOVE CHRISTMAS!!!!!

Ok, I'm pretty this point has already been made - many times. That aside, it's still very, very true! As much as I have loved Heber (or at least one particular part of it), I love being home in Virginia! I was texting a friend from Heber on my way home from the airport, and we were joking around, but then I realized - and it has continued to be true - that we are finally getting to the point where the eternal families thing is no longer hypothetical, but, more frequently feels like a literal and immediate reality!

This Christmas has been wonderful! I've enjoyed the time with my brother, sister, parents, and extended family. We've enjoyed watching old home movies, and just telling stories and laughing! I've played with my adorable puppies, and my sweet cousins. It's just how it should be!

What an amazing blessing this time of year is! A time to spend with cherished family and friends - to reminisce about Christmases past, and to make new memories. Yes, my friends, Walla Balla is coming back!!!

This Christmas has been made particularly special thanks to dear friends, and the fact that we, as a family were not focused on the getting. We gave few, but thoughtful gifts, and spent time coming up with fun activities that we could do together, and with our extended family! It's been just wonderful! So, thank you everyone for making it such a special holiday, and Merry Christmas!

The point

I've had some great experiences this week. A friend and I went on a date up to our former Bishop's house and helped them decorate for Christmas. Our date was lots of fun! My friend wasn't quite ready when I came over, and I had the opportunity to sit and wait in a very quiet apartment. My apartment is never quiet, and that was a really nice change. During that time I felt prompted to call a family that I've become really close to in Heber, and offer to watch their kids so the parents could go on a date. It's something I've been thinking about for awhile, but this time I finally resolved to do it.

So, on Friday, after coming home briefly, I drove back to Heber and took their kids to Swiss Christmas, while their parents went to dinner and a couple of book stores in Provo. The kids were SO good, and we had so much fun! I especially loved taking them to the creche exhibit and feeling the Spirit there. Their parents came home around 10:30 and we showed off the gingerbread house we had made, and they showed us the books they got. The kids went to bed at midnight, and then we adults stayed up talking until 3 am, and then we finally all went to bed. I stayed in their spare room.

Saturday, we all slept in and then got up and had breakfast, watched movies, played games, ran errands, and even worked on a truck. It felt like a quiet, relaxing Saturday. Finally, at 5:30, we got in our separate vehicles, me heading to Provo, them to Spanish Fork for a nephew's baptism. Well, around 10:30, I got a text from them, saying that they had seen my car in the parking lot. It turned out that they had missed the baptism because they had been told the wrong time, and had gone to the family dinner and then geocaching instead. I told them that sounded like fun. She sarcastically responded, "Yea everyone squished in the truck screaming and crying. Such a peaceful life!" I laughed and responded, "Maybe not peaceful but still always an adventure and so worth it! Thanks for letting me come this weekend! Be safe on your drive back!" She said, "Come anytime! Yes they are worth it! I told [my 4-year-old] to go to sleep. He said he can't cause there is water in his eyes. I told him there is water in his eyes because he is tired. So now he is going to sleep!" I laughed.

As I have struggled with other relationships in my life, their family has been a constant source of joy and absolute belonging for me. It's interesting, but I finally know what it feels like to have an older brother that got married, now complete with nieces and nephews. It feels so good to feel like a part of a family while I'm so far away from my own. I have cousins that aren't too far away, but, feeling that way with people I see almost daily is different, but so nice.

All of these experiences coupled with Christmas decorations and Christmas music has helped me to re-focus myself on the Savior and the point of this season. What a glorious thing it is to have the gospel and to understand the eternal nature of families and relationships. I've noticed the things that make all relationships and specifically marriages work, and the qualities that I need to develop in my own life. I have learned what it is to serve faithfully and without seeking recognition. I have learned what it means to be faithful and diligent in living the gospel - and then to be able to not only desire, but to expect blessings because of that faithful diligence.

Not one of the people I have learned from is perfect. But, they are striving, and they have impacted my life greatly. I am forever grateful for their friendship, and my opportunity to learn from them. This truly is the point. The point of life, and especially, the purpose of a Babe born in a stable far away, who taught us all, by example, the principles of a happy, joyous life both here, and in the life to come. For Him, His Atonement and His unfailing love for me, and each of us I am grateful, and of them I bear witness, with the hope that you may seek to know Him better this Christmas season - for it is Him we celebrate.

The Loaded Question

Happy Thanksgiving! I love the holiday season (as made perfectly clear in at least 3 of my most recent posts). I love seeing friends and family that I haven't seen in ages. During the catching-up phase, there's always what has become for me, a loaded question: "How are things at work? Are you going to stay there next year?" Now, no one at work knows about my blog, so, I'm safe in saying here that I'm not positive that I'm going to stay. I've been there for going on 3 years now, if you include my undergraduate work. But, recently I've been feeling an urgency to figure out what I'm going to do next year - and :: gasp :: that could mean moving on. So here are the options I'm debating. There's basically 3:
1 - teach in a different district
2 - do a master's program in Education
3 - stay in my current district/school AND do a Master's program (a two-year program)

Ok, so, I'm not entirely thrilled about #1. We all know how great I am with change and moving districts isn't exactly exciting. But, I do feel like a Master's is good for me right now. The only question is when and where I will get one. Now there's one good reason to stay put and get one here: I have a family there that I'm really close to and I want to teach their daughter next year, and she wants to be in my class really bad. Ok, and there are other reasons - lower cost, more convenient, no thesis, etc.

However, it is still a major debate - one that needs some serious attention from me and soon so I don't miss deadlines and such. So, that's what I've been thinking about on this Thanksgiving day, as I reflected on the blessings in my life and the wonderful people who have influenced my life for good.

Happy Birthday to Me!

My 23rd birthday is in two days. Wow. I love having a birthday close to Thanksgiving, and as that holiday nears each year, I pause to reflect on the joy and fun of birthdays, Thanksgivings and Christmases past.

I love Thanksgiving because it means that Christmas is right around the corner, and with it a myriad of joyful festivities. This year, I'm excited for Jon Schmidt, Eclipse, the First Presidency Devotional, The Polar Express, Temple Square, The Forgotten Carols, A Christmas Carol, and of course, hot chocolate, snow, sledding, sweet deliciousness, and Christmas movies every night!

Last night while watching the BYU v. Utah game, I was reminded of one of the best birthdays I've ever had: My 21st Birthday in 2006. For most LDS kids, the 21st birthday is an anti-climatic event. However, for me it was delightful. The day after Thanksgiving, that year, I sped down to Provo to watch the BYU v. Utah game with my roommate and best friend. I distinctly recall watching 3 seconds of glory with a blanket up to my eyes, holding my breath and jumping on the couch and running around the parking lot afterward.



The evening was complete with my roommate having made me a birthday pie - something only my mother has ever done for me, and thoughtful gifts from friends, window-shopping, and then hot chocolate, Krispy Kremes and a Christmas movie with friends, and a party with my family back in Draper.

As I watched and listened to the BYU v. Utah game and then headed to the Coldplay concert, I was flooded with these memories, and couldn't help but be exceedingly happy, in spite of yesterday's loss. It's ok, I can look back on better sports days, and hope in the idea that one day, former glory will return.

Colplay LIVE!!!

Last night was the Coldplay concert in Salt Lake City. I had the privilege of going on a birthdays date with my former roommate - I took her to the concert, she took me to dinner in honor of our respective birthdays.

Getting to the concert itself was an adventure - I had to navigate my way around Daybreak to pick her up and then we had to stop at Verizon because she had broken her phone. Interestingly, while I was in the car listening to the end of a disappointing BYU v. Utah game, she was inside getting asked on a date by two complete strangers... Yeah. We got in the car and giggled the rest of the way to the concert - half floored by the dating situation we'd just encountered (yes I got to meet the gentlemen), and half giddy at being moments away from seeing Coldplay LIVE!!!

We finally made it into the concert about 45 minutes late, and still had to endure about a half hour of the second opener. Yes, I said endure. His music was set to pictures which were at best weird, at worst utterly disturbing. The cheers when he left the stage were almost as loud as the ones when Coldplay entered it.


The reality of being there and seeing Coldplay, for all my giddiness, didn't actually hit me until they arrived on stage. My friends who saw them in Cleveland told me that the concert would be amazing, and it did not disappoint! I have to admit I haven't been thrilled with their newest stuff until the concert - and magically I loved it! I also loved that they played many old favorites - including Fix You and Yellow, which are two of my favorite Coldplay songs of all time! :) It was awesome. I took tons of videos and pictures, but only the videos turned out, so I had to borrow some images from the web. :) Sorry, I don't want to post the videos - it's ten billion times cooler in person! :) So, I second Dave and Mindy's motion - if they come to your town, don't miss them!

The Colorado Chronicles

So, apparently I do blog barf... Oh well! :)

Last weekend, Chris, Jess and I left insanely early Friday morning and drove to Littleton, Colorado to meet Aubrey at the temple. We traveled with no incidents until we hit Vail - and suddenly there was literally a blizzard. We couldn't see much and the roads were bad. We were in my car (which I have all confidence in), but I was exceedingly grateful that Chris (whom I also have all confidence in) was driving, as I white-knuckled it in the back seat. I'm generally ok in the snow. I usually think it's really pretty, but if it's super heavy, it sometimes makes me feel sick from some weird form of claustrophobia/vertigo. That aside, we made it over the Loveland/Vail pass in about an hour, and drove into a beautifully blanketed Denver.

We changed and went into the temple. It brought indescribable peace and joy to be there, after a long stint away, with people that I loved. After the temple, we split up - girls went shopping in the mall, and Chris went visiting. After the mall, and after a couple getting-lost-detours, we made it to my cousin's house for dinner. It was so fun to see all of them again! Their kids had grown SO much, I just couldn't believe it. We women sat around and talked for awhile and had a wonderful time!

After enjoying some time with my cousins, we headed back to Aubrey's house to spend the night. We got comfy in our pj's and settled down for a movie - which Chris, Jess, and I promptly fell asleep during. :)

The next day was the BYU v. Air Force game - the "real" reason we came down, or at least the excuse we used! We slept in, then decked ourselves out in true blue and drove down to the Academy. Colorado is a beautiful place! The game was rad. We won (of course), and we got to take pictures of the team and with Cosmo afterward. I love going to away games at smaller stadiums. It's great fun! After the game we met up with our friend Laura and met her nephew's and six-day-old niece. Chris and Jess went to visit some of Chris' mission families, and Aubrey and I joined Laura at her ward activity. We all got in pretty late that night after dinner at Applebee's. Interestingly enough, as exhausted as we were we stayed up late making plans for Sunday and pranking the outnumbered boy in the party. :D

Sunday was an adventure all around. Chris had left early with the car to visit the last of his mission buddies, and it wasn't until hours later that I realized that my skirt and one shoe had gone with him - still in the trunk from the temple! At first the girls and I had decided I would be the investigator friend and go in jeans - then we managed to find a skirt and some shoes for me to wear. It was awesome! Chris felt pretty bad, even though he really had nothing to do with our morning adventure. We all met back at Aubrey's and had chili for lunch - Thanks Mama Peterson! Then, once again, we split up - Aubs and I to Greeley for a campus tour of University of Northern Colorado, and Chris and Jess to visit some of Jess' family.

We said our awesome good-byes at a gas station between Loveland and Greeley, and actually headed out at about 8:00 pm. We had fun sending Aubrey our traditional text updates - one of which, unfortunately included a certain someone receiving their first ticket from a grumpy Wyoming cop. Sad day! The stars were beautiful, the music great (thanks Chris!), and the company fabulous, if quiet. We took our turns driving and sleeping, and finally made it back home without incident at about 4:30 am after we'd all unloaded. And yes, yes I did go to school the next day (hence the staying at a friend's house in Heber the next night).

The trip was AMAZING! Relationships were repaired and strengthened, and my heart, at least, was comforted with regard to my work and all of the possibilities that truly are out there for me - the possibilities are glorious and endless. As I mentioned before, the timing was no accident - the trip held more for me than I ever anticipated, for which I am forever grateful.

So much to be thankful for...

Some people gasp when they learn that I commute 45 minutes each way to and from work daily. Actually, I love the drive and the opportunity it provides for reflection. Once again this evening I was driving home in the darkness and I was listening to Josh Groban's Christmas album and a great song came on. The lyrics struck me powerfully, especially with the situations I've been dealing with both at home and at work.

Somedays we forget
To look around us
Somedays we can't see
The joy that surrounds us
So caught up inside ourselves
We take when we should give.

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be.
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see.
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Look beyond ourselves
There's so much sorrow
It's way too late to say
I'll cry tomorrow
Each of us must find our truth
It's so long overdue

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And every day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though we all can still do more
There's so much to be thankful for.

Even with our differences
There is a place we're all connected
Each of us can find each other's light

So for tonight we pray for
What we know can be
And on this day we hope for
What we still can't see
It's up to us to be the change
And even though this world needs so much more

There's so much to be thankful for

As I listened, I was reminded of all of the things I truly have to be thankful for. As my friend's mother reminded us this weekend, "Enjoy the thank you season before the gimme season. I thought about my sweet parents and grandparents, my brother and sister, and all of my extended family members - aunts, uncles, and cousins. I thought about the friends I have been blessed with in my life - near and far, old and new, and especially the friends who have crossed that boundary and feel more like family. I thought about my students, and the blessings of the gospel in my life. I thought about having enough, and being happy. There's too much to list individually.

More than anything else, as I listened to the song, I realized that I have been very frustrated and overwhelmed lately because I've been focusing on the few negative (although rather large) things that have been happening lately, and I've forgotten to look beyond myself and give to those around me. There's always more to do, and ways to improve, but acknowledging that, there's so much to be thankful for.

It's coming on Christmas, they're cutting down trees...

Yes, I have already started listening to Christmas music, mostly just my top 3 favorite albums - Josh Groban's Noel, Sarah McLachlan's Wintersong, and MOTAB's new Rejoice and Be Merry.
After a couple of very stressful weeks at school, I got sick and then took a 3-day vacation to Colorado. The trip is a topic for another post (I don't believe in blog barfing), but I will say that the timing of the trip was no accident. I felt and saw the Lord's guidance in that trip.
So, I think I've gotten an average of 4 hours of sleep over the last 3 days (ranging from 2 - 6 hours each day). However, in spite of still being sick and utterly exhausted, I am happier than I've been in weeks.
I needed that trip - the time away from school, the time in the temple with people I care about, and the time exploring a new area. Even the late-night sleep-deprived drive back was somehow peaceful.
I made it through a Monday and then went to a friend's house for dinner - and then stayed up talking until 1 am, and rather than drive the canyon that late, I spent the night. My roommates were worried, but it felt so good to be there with people I cared about and who cared about me. It felt like being with family.
The next day as I drove home through the Canyon in the dark, I put on some Christmas music. I really love Christmas music - most music makes me feel good, but Christmas music brings an even greater sense of joy, peace, and contentment. It was wonderful! I absolutely love the Christmas season, and everything about it - warm clothes, snow, hot chocolate, lights and decorations, time with friends and family, performances, yummy food, surprises, and most importantly, a time to focus on the Savior. What a wonderful blessing this time of year is! A time of peace. A time of joy. A time of celebration. And a time of love.

Goals Update

I promised this a few posts ago, but now I'm finally doing it. "Blog barfing" as my cousin calls it. Or maybe this is just accomplishing a goal/keeping a promise. So, back in July I sat down and defined a few goals for myself, and then of course I posted them.

Here's a quick review of my goals:
1) I want to learn about astronomy and become an amateur astronomer.
2) I want to be financially stable, and out of debt enough to own a home in the next 5 years, however small it may be.
3) I want to travel to Florence, Italy, and possibly other parts of Europe - but I'm not leaving until I see the Sistine Chapel.
4) I want to earn a Master's Degree in Education.
5) I want to refresh my Spanish so that I can be conversational and not shy about my knowledge, to better communicate with students and their parents.

And my action plan:
1) With my next paycheck I'm going to purchase a small green laser pointer so I can point at what I'm seeing, and share it with others.
2) I am going to take 2 - 3 BYU Independent Study personal enrichment courses: 1-2 on Astronomy, and 1 on personal finance. These will help me learn the skills and have the resources I need to accomplish two of my goals, and keep me in the habit of studying like a student until I actually begin my Master's Program.
3) From my personal finance class I'm going to learn to budget and I'm going to set and stick to a budget that includes, at the minimum: 10% tithing, 10% savings, 10% toward Italy, maximum monthly debt payments, and living expenses.
4) I will remain on a waiting list for the BYU Reading Endorsement program, and also watch for other cohort experiences that tie into a Master's Program, and work to take advantage of those opportunities.
5) I am going to get and take an independent study conversational Italian course (for my trip), and a conversational Spanish course (for goal #5).

And the update:
1) I did get the astronomy pointer... and binoculars and a red flashlight to boot! And, as indicated by my previous post, I am now totally obsessed with the heavens and I LOVE IT!
2) I've gotten my first I.S. astronomy and finance classes, but since school has started I haven't had time to sit down and really work on it.
3) I made huge payments with my first full paycheck. Yay me! Then I promptly went and spent the rest. Old habits die hard I guess. But, it was a step in the right direction. This month is the month that I begin budgeting! (Working on the finance class would help with this, I'm sure.
4) I decided to forget the Reading Endorsement and go for the math instead. My math classes start next Tuesday.
5) No movement on the language stuff yet. But that'll come.

I have also had a lot of time to reflect lately, and I've learned about some talents that I've taken for granted. I've now added a few things to my goals and action plan.

6) Book binding. Now that I'm no longer in meetings all day on Sunday, I'd like to take the afternoons to work on this one. It's fun and relaxing for me, plus, just plain cool!
7) I want to be a published author. Ok, so, technically, this one could be checked off the list tomorrow when my very first article in the Wasatch Wave (about our second grade field trip), is published. However, it's more than that. Eventually I'd like to be published for real, but, for now, I'll settle for the Wave, and publishing some short stories and stuff using MightyAuthors.com.

A couple quick shout outs here. First, to Melissa who as a faithful reader first asked the question of whether I would ever consider writing professionally because she loved my style. Thanks Melissa! Second, seriously check out MightyAuthors.com! It looks a lot like Heritage Makers and stuff, but it's very cost effective and simple to use. It was made to use in classrooms, but, basically, Brad Wilcox rocks my world, and I'm going to eventually chat with him about real publishers and publishing when I decide to take some of my stuff public.

It may sound like I've totally lost my mind. And I don't know when I'll ever have the time I want to devote to each of these endeavors, but, it's better to start now when I have some semblance of my own time. These are my dreams and goals, as far-flung as they may seem - but life would be very dull without them.

An Astronomical Adventure

So, last night was the last night of this year's Orionid meteor shower. For those of you who are very fond of Orion, he's back, but, just pretty late at night, rising at about midnight. And just as an update, for those of you who remember my huge goal-setting kick a few months ago, this is me living them, or at least one of them. I'll have to post an update about the others later. Anyway, back to my big adventure.

My evening started with requesting a subscription of Astronomy Magazine. I checked out the evening's sights and made a list of the things I wanted to see when we went out - Uranus, Neptune, and of course, some meteors. I actually didn't see most of what I set out to see, but what I saw was even better!

First of all, the shower was AWESOME! It is supposed to average 6 -7 meteors an hour, and we were out about a half hour and saw at least 12! That was just so rad! The spot we found was actually perfect for the 1:30-2 time frame that we were there.

However, our awesome stargazing was interrupted when a cop showed up. Actually, he was just doing his job and patrolling the parks up past Vivian in Provo Canyon. He got out and walked up and asked us what was going on, and we honestly told him "We're just watching the Orion meteor shower", then, my roommate, who had jumped up when he pulled up, explained "Sorry, I jumped up because I just watched a scary movie and the villain always drove a truck..." Thanks... But, he assumed we were being honest, which is good, because we were, and said, "Ok, well, just be safe and keep warm." Thanks Mr. Copper-man! Actually, despite the sudden light pollution and freaking my roommate out, it made me feel so much better to know that there was someone patrolling. Those of you acquainted with my over-active imagination will appreciate that fact! Let's all be a little honest. Provo Canyon is possibly one of the darkest, and thus creepiest places to be at night, but that's a different story...

Back to my astronomical adventure. At some point, we broke out my new binoculars. I got to see the Pleiades, "The seven sisters", which was cool. But, my favorite part, by far, was seeing the Orion Nebula through the binoculars!!! This is essentially what it looked like for me:
This is what I was actually looking at, if I had had a powerful telescope to view it through:

Baby stars are born here!!! Hello baby stars! :)

A friend once told me that once you get going in astronomy, you suddenly feel like these planets, stars, and constellations become like friends. I'll be honest, when I see something up there I recognize, I can't help but smile and feel all warm and fuzzy!

After my adventure, my new astronomy goals are:
1. check out the Andromeda Galaxy
2. actually catch Uranus and Neptune in the binoculars
3. start checking out other deep sky objects (nebulae, star clusters, and such) that are in the constellations I know and can pick out easily.
4. eventually get into astrophotography - this one is going to take some time, but it will be oh so worth it, but, it will require a new camera, and some sort of instruction on how to use it, and possibly some more astronomy equipment like a telescope. Wahoo! But that's for later. You know, when student loans are gone and nothing else is eating my money. Besides, with my new geocaching kick, I've got enough outdoor toys to keep me busy when I'm not working.

So friends, the moral of the story is go out and enjoy the stars sometime! They are absolutely awe-inspiring!

The promised Roommate pics!

Here they are. Such fun times! Thanks John!

A great Sabbath

Wow, so, today was possibly one of the greatest days ever! First of all I finally got a calling at church to be the Relief Society pianist, and my setting apart provided both the comfort and guidance I've been needing.

Then, I had the following chat with a dear friend online:
Friend: Hey friend.
me: Hi there! How are you?
Friend: Very well.Have I ever told you how I love it when you tell people what you think?me: Really? Thanks.

Friend: Mals, you're seriously like the greatest person in the world and I think we all take you for granted

So to see you call people on it is rather...

I don't know...

Let's just say it's good for people to get a wake up call now and again

me: Friend, you totally just made my day! Thank you!
Friend: Just being honest.

I'm sure there were days when I drove you nuts.

But you were always to nice to make me realize it.

me: Well, yeah, but as best friends we got over that right? ;-)

Friend: You bet.me
: Haha. Good times.

Friend: Yeah.
Friend: Well, gotta go Mals
Nice talking to you
me: Ditto. Talk to you later!
Ladies and gentlemen, that is a true friend! I have been blessed to be surrounded by good people in my life who help me to see things in myself that I often fail to notice. So, thank you, friend, for helping me to seeing these things, and taking the time to call them to my attention. Truly, "there is nothing better than a friend, unless it is a friend with chocolate!" ~ Charles Dickens. :)

The last thing that was really nice was my roommates and I went up the Canyon and had another dear friend take roommate pictures for/with us. It was so much fun! Pictures coming soon.

Anyway, today was lovely thanks to many people and relationships that I deeply cherish. So, thank you everyone! I wish each of you a day as good as mine was today.

Love,
Me

Only 16 days left...

So, I don't usually take a stand on political issues - mostly because I know I'm not the most informed of individuals, and I'm also very passionate about some things. I just hate the political debates, especially this time of year, and to be honest, I've been ignoring most of it because, basically, I have felt that there is no "good guy" in this race, and we all feel like we're voting for the lesser of two evils. There are no party lines, and as far as I've seen both/all of them seem to skirt around the issues. I don't care that you can talk in a circle to get back to your pet topic - I want to know where you stand on the things I care about!

I've said many times that I've been looking for something along the lines of "An Idiot's Guide to Voting on November 4th: Where the Candidates Actually Stand on the Things You Care About." As this book is not located in any library or bookstore I've seen, I found the next best thing here: The New York Times: Election 2008 . Another good one is CNN's Election Center 2008.

My favorite part on both sites is the issues section, and for those of you who are more detailed and active than that, there's lots more to keep you happy and satisfied too! Now, I know most news stations and websites tend to be pretty biased. But, I feel like, at least in the issues section (where I've spent most of my time), they are pretty fair. You can also get a taste for where their running mates stand on the issues, plus key votes in the past as well! I really think we need to take the counsel of the Brethren on this one and study the candidates and issues before voting. This is the first election I've ever been eligible and felt knowledgeable enough to vote in. I agree with my friends who say, "If you didn't vote, don't complain." That's fair. However, I'm getting a little sick of the ignorant people who say I'm voting for so-and-so because he's a republican," or, "he's a democrat, and so he's stupid." Really? REALLY?!

So, for those of you who don't have time/energy to even click on the link above, here are some highlights from my favorite issues (most coming from NY Times)

Abortion:
John McCain wants to overturn Roe v. Wade, but has been supportive in the past; supported Supreme Court decision that upheld ban on partial-birth abortions; "strict constructionist judges." Barack Obama supports Roe v. Wade; criticized Supreme Court decision that upheld ban on partial-birth abortions.

Economy
John McCain wants to purchase troubled mortgages directly from financial institutions and restructure them. Cut capital gains tax rate. Blames lobbyists for financial crisis, and favors a new federal authority. Would make the Bush tax cuts permanent and eliminate alternative minimum tax. Barack Obama wants to immediately enact a set of tax cuts for individuals and businesses to help cope with the current crisis. Ban most home foreclosures for 90 days. Blames deregulation for financial crisis. Would repeal the Bush tax cuts for households earning more than $250,000.

Education
John McCain believes that the federal government should play a limited role in public education. Wants to keep NCLB's emphasis on standards and achievement but focus on individual achievement rather than group averages. "While NCLB has been invaluable in providing a clear picture of which schools and students are struggling, it is only the beginning of education reform." Would allow parents to choose the school for their children. Believes in evolution; thinks school districts should decide whether to teach other ideas. Barack Obama proposes $18 billion a year in new federal spending on early childhood classes, teacher recruitment, performance pay and other initiatives. Would rewrite NCLB, retaining its emphasis on high standards and accountability but offering more help to high-need schools, including training thousands of new teachers to serve in them. Believes the law is good in concept but needs funding and better measurement of student progress. Would double federal spending on public charter schools while holding them accountable. Believes in evolution; does not think that intelligent design should be taught alongside it.

War in Iraq
John McCain voted in 2002 to authorize invasion, still supportive; favored troop increase, and argues that security allowed political headway; against a timetable for withdrawal, but projected he would have most forces home by 2013. Barack Obama opposed invasion from the beginning; opposed troop increase; wants to withdraw one or two brigades a month to finish within 16 months and spur the Iraqis to reconcile their differences.

Stem-cell Research
John McCain has supported federal financing for embryonic stem cell research; lately has suggested that other kinds of stem cells may make the use of embryonic cells unnecessary. Barack Obama supports federal financing for research on human embryonic stem cells, noting that most scientists describe them as essential tools for research on a number of diseases.

Same-Sex Marriage (as reported on CNN)
John McCain believes the institution of marriage is a union between one man and one woman. Voted for the Defense of Marriage Act but voted against the Federal Marriage Amendment. Says states and local governments should set their own marriage policies. Barack Obama opposes same-sex marriage, but also opposes a constitutional ban. Says he would repeal the Defense of Marriage Act and voted against the Federal Marriage Amendment. As stated on the Obama campaign Web site, he supports full civil unions that "give same-sex couples equal legal rights and privileges as married couples, including the right to assist their loved ones in times of emergency as well as equal health insurance, employment benefits, and property and adoption rights."

And a note on Proposition 8 for those of you eligible to vote in Cali: My friend recently wrote an excellent post on this issue. I think you should check it out, and then go to Protect Marriage and Preserving the Divine Institution of Marriage. I too firmly believe that "marriage between a man and a woman is ordained of God, and the formation of families is central to the Creator’s plan for His children."

So, before you vote, please be informed. The things you've heard or the things you think you know about a candidate or issue may turn out to be false. Your vote changes lives.

Ode to all of the "STP's"

I grew up in a family of "STP's," and I have been fortunate enough to be surrounded by STP's nearly my entire life, so naturally, the characteristics have rubbed off. For those of you who are unaware, STP's are generally found at church, and they are the Same Ten People that volunteer for everything and show up to everything. I've learned recently that STP's aren't just found at church, but also at work, at home, and just about anywhere.

As an STP, however, I find it hard not to be irritated by those who are the CDAP's (Can't Do Anything People). Now, I understand not wanting or being able to go above and beyond all the time. That's fine and totally understandable. However, being totally helpless about everything drives me crazy! Here are some examples from the last few days:

"I couldn't do that because I didn't have enough copies for everyone." So make more!

"I can't do that activity because I don't have the materials." So buy/make some! To which I responded by making the stuff they didn't have for them...

"I can't buy groceries because there's just too much in our fridge." Then take the time to clean or organize it - you'll probably find something edible that's yours!

"I won't do that because it's too awkward I don't know anyone." Then go out to things and meet people!

Ok, now, that last one I am guilty of as well - and I'm working on changing that, however, why isn't it common sense to get off your tucus and do something rather than sit around and complain about stuff all the time. Seriously world, how about we all spend a lot less time talking about the problems, and occasionally the solutions to those problems and spend more time making/being the solution! Believe it or not, there won't always be an STP to clean up after you.

A Sunday Drive

So, after church yesterday, I came home, changed my clothes, and took a little drive. Driving is seriously therapeutic for me. It just really clears my mind and somehow gets me into perspective.

Here are some sights and insights from my little jaunt.

But first, a disclaimer. These pictures are taken with my camera phone, which means they're pretty lame. Just know that everything I captured on film was completely spectacular and soothing.

So, I saw a moose! She was pretty close to the road, and, I know you can't tell, but she was looking at me when I took this - she was huge! Why are moosen so cool?!

Timp was phenomenal! It had just snowed, and was clearing, but my favorite mountain was still covered with clouds.
And this one is also tiny, but, the fall colors against the powdered evergreens was gorgeous! Oh, and I discovered a new canyon park right by here.
Another one of my canyon favorites. Always spectacular.

When I stopped my car on the way up, I read a few chapters in a new book that I got by Elder Holland, Broken Things to Mend. Here's one of my favorite quotes.

" Every time we reach out, however feebly, for [Christ], we discover He has been anxiously trying to reach us."

"[He is] a personal, living God, who knows our names, hears and answers prayers, and cherishes us eternally as children of His spirit... Amidst the wondrously complex tasks inherent in teh universe, He seeks our individual happiness and safety above all other godly concerns."

Kids say, and do, the darndest things!

So in the last two days I have been powerfully reminded of why I teach. It is literally because I love knowing that I am changing lives - especially the lives of the kids that drive me CRAZY! That sounds like such a paradox, and maybe only other teachers will ever be able to understand that, but it's true, and has literally driven me to tears several times lately.

But enough of the mushy stuff... Another very powerful reason why I teach is because I get at least one reason to laugh every day! A dear friend brightened my day today and reminded me of this wonderful fact of life that I get to enjoy daily. Here are a few of my favorites from the last year and a little bit.

1) You've seen Stuart from MadTV right?! If not, look it up on youtube and laugh! Anywho, I literally had a student come up to me during recess one day and say, "Teacher, look what I can do!" and then proceeded to jump up and down just like Stuart!!!! I laughed SO hard and she said, "I know, it's cool huh?!" Yes. Yes it was!

2) Last year we caught 4 of the most innocent 7-year-old boys EVER in the girls bathroom. They of course were sent to the principal's office, in tears, and had the following chat. "We thought there was candy in there because the girls always came out with candy, so we went in to check and all there was was a napkin machine!" "Even so, you shouldn't have gone in there." "But, I just don't think it's fair that the girls can buy napkins for 25 cents!" "Ok, boys, do you have any other questions?" "Just one. Teacher, what does T-A-M-P-O-N stand for?" "Um, I think you should ask your mom about that."

3) After an awesome lesson on life cycles, my colleague mentioned that one of my super smart, but shy boys said, "Mrs. B. That's not really a human life cycle though... We don't start out as babies. We start out as these little circle things, right -" "You know, I think for today we're just going to start as babies." "Oh. Ok." The teacher walked away, grateful to have avoided THAT conversation!

It's been a month, and I'm long overdue for a little vent... :)

Ok, so not so much a vent, as a catch-up session.

First of all, Yellowstone was AMAZING! No offense for those of you who couldn't come, but, it was the perfect number and group of people. We had a blast, and completely enjoyed our 36-ish hours there. I'll post the play-by-play on that one when I get all the pictures, which is hopefully soon... ::cough, cough - John::

Next, a note on motivation. In my last post I mentioned that my blue personality often motivates me to devote all, or at least most of my time to people or things that allow me to build relationships. True, sometimes I drop all responsibility to go play with friends, but, still, we know what motivates me. But this last weekend I have been contemplating what motivates me when the people motivation is gone.

So, "let me 'splain. No, there is too much, let me sum up." I guess I should start with my complete emotional breakdown on Friday night. I will honestly say that I haven't cried that much or that hard in a long time. I spent the entire day (9-5) Friday in meetings, which, while we got things accomplished, and overall I felt better about a lot of things. But for those of you that have been in meetings for that long, you know how draining that can be. Plus, I was faced with taking my brother to Idaho, which, was not awful but 9 hours alone in an unfamiliar place while he took a class didn't sound particularly appealing when I could have been at a football game with friends. There were plenty of other things that had me emotional in both positive and negative ways. Tuesday I had gotten to see a friend that I hadn't seen in months, and whom I missed more than I was willing to admit, which had me feeling really excited and happy. It didn't hurt that this friend picked up where we left off at the peak of our relationship (before things dwindled before he left), and seemed pretty darn excited to see me too. It was inexpressibly nice to have him back in my life. There was also the fact that I don't have a calling yet in my new ward - which feels very weird after having one calling or another for four years straight in my previous stake. To be honest, I'm having a really hard time getting to know people and liking my new ward. All of that coupled with less attention than desired from a particular gentleman I happen to like, it was all a little much on Friday afternoon, and I broke down.

Now, by no means am I vying for sympathy here. I believe such occasional break-downs are healthy, or at least can be if handled appropriately. There's another thing that kind of bothers me and makes it hard for me to enjoy my new ward. Now, I understand that I can't expect people to come to me, and introduce themselves and want to be my friend. And, going out of town can't exactly help either. I know I have a good bishop, and a good relief society president, I'm just having a hard time meeting new people. This isn't exactly made easier by the fact that my roommates due to circumstances or personal choice are pretty sporadic about attending church and ward activities. Don't get me wrong, it's AMAZING that we all get along so well and have bonded so well, but, it's hard to break into a ward alone. I just wish I had someone to go with, because contrary to popular belief, I am actually a shy person when it comes to getting to know others. I like to have at least one other person with me when I'm meeting new people.

I don't know... I'm just having a hard time with that. And now that I've reconnected after having a long discussion with a parent and realizing why I love my job and why I do what I do, I've completely lost my other train of thought. I guess that was basically it. I just realized yesterday that I don't really have that human motivation for going to church anymore because I don't feel like I have friends there as much anymore. That is forcing me to find other reasons, perhaps what have always been my real reasons for going in the first place. Perhaps that's a good thing.

Getting in touch with me

I was talking to a friend tonight, who asked me about my day. I told him that my day was bi-polar. I woke up happy and excited - I woke up on time, it was denim day at work, I called Yellowstone and reserved a campsite and the lady who helped me was super happy even tough it was 7am, and I thought of baby cougars on the way to work and started giggling to myself out loud. The day just started great! And, my kids were great - happy and excited to be there and cooperative!

Then there was some drama that continued and seemingly spiraled a little out of control at work. And I had 3 spur-of-the-moment meetings (well two were planned but then rearranged) right after school, which kept me there til 4:45 on Labor Day Friday when I technically could have left at 4! Now, I'm dedicated, and love my kids and will put in whatever time is necessary, but, I must admit I felt very antsy! None of those things were particularly bad, but they did stress me out a little!

My bi-polar day continued with a great Women's Soccer game, during which we totally dominated, and then a nice chat with a friend who is back for the school year, and who I get to see tomorrow at the game. It was just all so nice and exciting.

So after I finished talking to both my friends, I started contemplating why each of these things affected me so much. I realized that it comes down to my blue personality that I mentioned last post. My world revolves around people. I will literally drop everything to be with people which brings me joy. And being alone or ignored or patronized by others makes me feel the exact opposite. I also feel stress or discomfort when people I love are being affected (or potentially affected) negatively.

That realization TOTALLY explained my mood swings today! They weren't huge or anything, but I'm just happy that they have ended on a great note. I remain excited and optimistic about the potential of this year. It's going to rock! In fact, the first indicator of this, besides my personal mood, is that so far this weekend, BYU has had a winning weekend in all sports, which will undoubtedly continue with the football game tomorrow and the soccer game on Monday. Go COUGS!

I just want to bang on my piano (beautiful things of course), blast happy songs, spin in a circle in a meadow and shout it from the mountain tops: LIFE IS BEAUTIFUL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! :)

There is beauty all around...

Wow. Thanks friends, for the comments on my last post. I felt really good about it, and hearing from you made it even better! :)

Well, I just completed my first week of school this year! YAY! Everything went really, really well. I'm so excited about this group of students, and they are just marvelous!

Today, I began, in earnest, the move-out process, and I was reminded how much I LOATHE moving! Luckily, I have a wonderful roommate/landlord who said I could take my time moving out, especially since I've already started school, so I have one - two days a week I can actually work on it. But still, it's such a long, exhausting process. And I realized, once again, how much stuff I have, and I'm wondering how I'm going to fit it all into the slightly smaller space I'm moving into. "Meh," says my inner-procrastinator, "worry about that tomorrow... or the next day... or never!"

Ha! Oh well, I do what I can, when I can, always keeping in touch with my blue personality, which causes me to drop everything when I have the opportunity for human interaction. Just such an opportunity arose today when I arrived at my new apartment and was able to meet my new roommate for the first time. Having had negative roommate experiences in the past, I was SO nervous, and, it turned out, so was she. But we hit it off remarkably well! :) We just sat aroudn and talked for an hour or so, and while that didn't help me get my junk moved in any faster, it was so worthwhile because we quickly became friends and made plans for this coming semester, and many of my fears about moving were laid to rest.

And, although moving isn't fun, and starting a new school year is always busy, I find myself inexplicably excited for this next year. Ok, maybe it's not so inexplicable to me, but, the reasons are so personal that sending them out into the void just doesn't seem particularly appropriate. So, excuse me, dear void, if I keep the reasons to myself. But, rest assured that I am content, and happy, and excited for the opportunities I have this year to become a better teacher, a better friend, and to build new relationships and have new experiences. This, my friend, is quite the accomplishment for me, as I usually shrink in the face of change. But this time, I feel like good things are coming, and I am ready to meet them head-on, without fear.

Goals Update: Some of you seemed pretty interested in my goals list last post, so, here's the update - I have received my first two Independent Study classes, which I've started, and am enjoying. Once I'm settled in my new apartment I'll set a regular schedule for working on these classes, and my Reading Endorsement classes that start September 2nd. I'm doing pretty well staying caught up on my planning for school, which is helping me dedicate my time appropriately when I'm at home. I received my green laser pointer, and I take it just about everywhere with me. Slowly but surely I'm getting better at identifying things in the sky, and I LOVE it! I'm getting better with my finances, but any real progress on that is going to have to wait until the end of September when I'm finally making full salary - huzzah!

Other things I'm looking forward to in the (very) near future: Friends returning for Fall semester, the first BYU football game of the season next Saturday. The first BYU Women's Soccer game in the new stadium also next Saturday, a 3 day weekend!, and YELLOWSTONE the following weekend. So many great things are happening in the next two weeks, plus, I get along with my new roommate. Really, how can I be anything but happy?!

Stepping Back and Redefining, Part II

Well, I didn't go on a Canyon Drive/Ride... Well, actually, I did a partial Canyon Drive with my dear friend and stopped off to go star gazing for a few minutes. We found cool constellations and it was awesome! While I was flustered when I first left, I had good music and the canyon was deserted (because of the recent/continuing fires), and it is always a humbling moment for me to gaze into the sky and to realize my relative insignificance, but yet my overwhelming worth.

In light of my redefining mood lately, here are some goals I have determined to work toward:
1) I want to learn about astronomy and become an amateur astronomer.
2) I want to be financially stable, and out of debt enough to own a home in the next 5 years, however small it may be.
3) I want to travel to Florence, Italy, and possibly other parts of Europe - but I'm not leaving until I see the Sistine Chapel.
4) I want to earn a Master's Degree in Education.
5) I want to take refresh my Spanish so that I can be conversational and not shy about my knowledge, to better communicate with students and their parents.

And we've all heard the rule of thumb that a goal is no good without a plan, so here are my immediate plans to work toward each of these goals:
1) With my next paycheck I'm going to purchase a small green laser pointer so I can point at what I'm seeing, and share it with others.
2) I am going to take 2 - 3 BYU Independent Study personal enrichment courses: 1-2 on Astronomy, and 1 on personal finance. These will help me learn the skills and have the resources I need to accomplish two of my goals, and keep me in the habit of studying like a student until I actually begin my Master's Program.
3) From my personal finance class I'm going to learn to budget and I'm going to set and stick to a budget that includes, at the minimum: 10% tithing, 10% savings, 10% toward Italy, maximum monthly debt payments, and living expenses.
4) I will remain on a waiting list for the BYU Reading Endorsement program, and also watch for other cohort experiences that tie into a Master's Program, and work to take advantage of those opportunities.
5) I am going to get and take an independent study conversational Italian course (for my trip), and a conversational Spanish course (for goal #5).


I feel better now that I have a few clear defined goals to work toward and a way to get there. Now I'm going to work on setting myself a schedule, and getting myself to stick to it. :)

Stepping Back and Redefining, Part I

The last few days have been one fast emotional roller coaster, and now I feel like the seat belt on the roller coaster is jammed and the roller coaster isn't moving. I feel stuck. You see, last night I made the decision that I needed to step back a bit from some dear friendships, in order to save those relationships in the long run. However, I have this deep social need - not being social, especially in the summer just about kills me. So, now, I'm trying to figure out what to do with myself - and I feel stuck - stuck in the middle, and alone.

I'm currently faced with several choices, none of which are particularly appealing.
1) Spend lots more time with a close circle of girls whom I love, but, however jokingly, seem to be a little anti-boy. Don't get me wrong, I am boy-less right now, but I am trying not to let that turn me into a bitter person, and I'm still trying to find good things in the gentlemen around me. Unfortunately, at least for me, even the most insincere boy-bashing jokes make that goal a lot harder to achieve.
2) Spend more time with a group of people I haven't really spent time with in months, and with whom I feel like I have very little in common with anymore, except with a few select members of the group.
3) Go out and meet new people. Now this one I'm a little more partial to, but, I'm a chicken. I'm all for meeting new people, but, I like to have a companion or two to do that with - which makes me miss a particular friend quite especially right now.
4) Do nothing, ignore my need for daily social interaction, and completely immerse myself in my work. Well, I could do that, but, if you ask me, it seems a little unhealthy, don't you think?

So, here I sit, blasting Josh Groban, and wanting to go on a canyon drive - too bad I have no gas. I just feel acutely alone and in the middle of a giant group of people that I recognize, but, find it hard to confide in people, even the ones that I know care about me. Maybe I'll go on a bike ride, and then I'll research one of my new and now very real goals - to go to Florence, Italy. I need something to work toward that doesn't feel like work. And I mean it, one day, I'm going to Florence.

A Midnight Rant

So, I've decided that if I had my way in this world, the stupid dating games would be over and done with. Yeah, yeah, play the game but don't play games, blah blah blah. We all may hate it, but we know it's true that this whole college-age and beyond single life is a big giant game. At some point along the way everyone's at least subconsciously trying to give themselves a leg up in the eyes of the opposite sex, as it were.

For example: Guy hurts leg, leg looks awful, girl volunteers to help guy but has no stuff with which to help. I swoop in to save the day with my handy first aid kit, and suggest cleaning it with hydrogen peroxide and get a brief lecture on the validity of it's use in the given situation. Chill out girlfriend. Not interested in your new love interest, just trying to help and in no mood to argue this late at night.

Here's what I really hate - apparently every interaction between a male and female - unless it screams "I loathe you" - is taken by either one of the two parties involved, or an outside observer as "I'm madly in love with you!" I mean really people. Are we five? Is the world still divided into black and white - happy/sad, love/hate. Uh, no! We are much more complex than that, and dang it so are our relationships with each other. There is no black and white anymore, and furthermore, without a gray area in between not knowing the other existed to actually marrying and loving that person for eternity, how are we ever supposed to get to the point where we can confess said undying love?

So, here is my plea that I am sending out into the void - PLEASE STOP ANALYZING EACH OTHER!

Now make no mistake, as a female, this non-analyzing gig is a foreign concept to me, however, I am trying. And can I tell you that my happiest days are when I don't analyze my relationships? Seriously.

Take today for example. It was a holiday and for that reason I was able to go camping last night with 3 close friends, and then spend today traipsing around enjoying myself with my friends, without a care for time constraints, being able to talk, laugh, joke, and even occasionally flirt without worrying about a nosy person prying into my affairs and analyzing me.

Here's the flip side - that marvelous feeling of safety and security we feel with friends we trust can be shattered by people, however sincere they may be, jumping in with their personal analysis of the situation: "Wait, you're not dating him/her?!" "Oh, he/she must totally like you!" "Holy cow, you sat next to each other for two whole sacrament meetings... in a row!!!" Really? Really?! Do you think they needed your help to realize any of those things? And why must we assume that every kind gesture, toward ourselves, or another person is a profession of undying love? It's not. Why don't we believe that those kind gestures are just a manifestation of the innate good nature of that person? Can't we at least give each other that benefit of the doubt?

Now folks, I may be overreacting a little by ranting like this, but I'm SICK of people analyzing me and my relationships - it can end up destroying what could have been deep and lasting friendships - all because people can't keep their eyes, ears, and mouths to themselves.

So, in case it hasn't been made clear just yet - BACK OFF! There is no love triangle, octagon, hexagon, or whatever shape fits the situation the best. The love shapes don't exist, but in the place of these imagined love shapes, there are individuals who enjoy each other's company and are building relationships. And yes, people may occasionally practice their flirting skills on each other - but really, where's the harm in that? Is it really a problem to practice flirting when it feels like there's little risk of some sort of awful retribution for it? If anything, it seems that practicing in a safe-zone makes it natural and easier to flirt with other people later. And well, let's say that sometime in the future a relationship develops into something more. Well huzzah for you! You suspected it all along, Yay hooray, you're just great. Oh but wait, this was never about YOU in the first place. So take a step back and try to be happy for your friends or acquaintances who have found someone they feel compatible with, and don't you dare start thinking wedding bells. Let them experience the joy of a budding relationship without your constant analysis - if it develops into something eternal, believe me, you'll be notified - they're called wedding announcements and they're generally located on most refrigerators in Provo.

Well, I have things to do tomorrow. And while writing has a therapeutic role in my life, hence the above rant, I must end this now. Please consider my plea, dear void, and perhaps take my advice to leave others alone in their relationships. Trust me, it's hard enough to find someone you enjoy spending time with, why make it harder by adding your astute analysis to the millions of analyses of their own they fight against constantly. For my part, I'm going to seriously work on my natural tendency to analyze, and I also vow to not let the selfish analyzing punks to impose their "insights" on me and ruin my day. Because in spite of that event and this rant, today was wonderful - because I felt safe, content, and happy surrounded by those I have come to love doing exactly what we wanted to do when we wanted to do it, however spontaneous and reckless it may have seemed to the outside world.

Ode to a dear friend

So, tonight, a dear friend of mine came home after what most of us thought was a vacation, walked in the door, and told a roommate, "Come give me a hug, I'm moving home... right now." Needless to say, we were all shocked, but, people quickly mobilized to help my friend pack and move.

When said friend gave me a hug goodbye, I nearly started crying, and when they pulled out, I nearly lost it but didn't because of the other people standing around. Afterwards I persuaded some other friends to go for a walk, which, still hasn't really calmed me, so, I'm sitting here, now writing about how much I'm going to miss my friend, because I can't sleep. Now, folks, this really was a friend - by the way I'm talking, you may think that I was deeply in love with this person - not so, but, I did, and do love him. So, here is my tribute to a friend that I think a lot of people, including myself, took for granted while he was around.

Here's to:
* summer nights
* Jurassic park all night long
* long, completely honest talks
* HE council
* Pioneer Day Extravaganza
* FIRST Annual Water Olympics
* bear hugs
* understanding about my brother, and my friends, and my home teachers, and everything else.
* the lobby
* shooting
* Pain Train
* baseball
* Earth Day - the burning bush at Bishop's
* rock star outfits
* camping, driving, walking
* Saturday lunches
* honey pots and table cloths
* awesome Asian restaurants
* Applebee's happy hour and making a waitress's night with a crayon and a napkin
* breaking up the Ohana bag
* helping me set up my classroom for the first time and experiencing Dairy Keen

I guess it can all be summed up in one word - love. We loved each other - not in the romantic sense. But I think we are all so busy looking for romantic love that we don't acknowledge the other kinds of love which are so important, and sustaining.

Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friend. What part of our lives do we lay down? If we're doing it right, we lay aside our jobs, or the video games, or the television, or the computer, and take time to spend with others. That's what this friend does all the time.

So here's to a friend who brought joy and comfort into my life by simply showing he cared. Thanks for the awesome memories!

Blah, blah blah

There's a post that belongs here that I wrote by hand when my internet was down, but, I have other things on my mind now, so, the actual typing of it will have to wait.

Never make a decision until you have to...

So, I have been postponing registering for the Reading Endorsement classes I was planning to take this summer until the last possible second, mostly out of pure laziness. But, today I was really glad I had waited.
Today I found out that BYU offers a reading endorsement (my other one was through SUU), which is about half the price of the other one I was going to do, and closer, thus cutting down gas cost, AND it doesn't start until next Fall!
In case you haven't followed my logic thus far, this means that I have this entire summer to spend more time with my friends and family, and just playing! :) This definitely means that a trip or two to California is definitely in the works, Moab, and hopefully Yellowstone! :)
I am unbelievably excited. And the fun starts this week, when I get to stay in Virginia for an extra week with my family! Yay! :) So, those of you in Provo, I'm sorry I won't be back as early as I promised most of you, but, we will play and live it up when I get back! :)

A Lost Art

So, I am currently reading a book by Rebecca Ann Collins called The Women of Pemberley. Since it is not written by Jane Austen, it cannot be considered a sequel, but, it is "A Companion Volume", and is the second of ten similar books. I HIGHLY recommend it to any Jane Austen fan. I have loved it!

Anyway, a few days ago as I was flying home from Utah, I finally had a spare moment to read avidly, as I so delight in doing. I finally got a little tired, but, as I began to drift off to sleep, my thoughts began to wander. In these books, much of the story is told through letters, and I thought about letter-writing and how it has become quite a lost art. No one writes letters anymore. Sure, there's the occasional card at a given occasion, and some may even argue that we now have e-mail. But the etiquette is not the same, and I would argue that e-mails don't always seem as genuine. As I thought about letter writing, I got into a letter-writing mood.

For the first time since I've had friends on missions, I wanted to write, and not just write, to write a letter. It was great! :) Only one of my friends was the lucky recipient, but, the letter was genuinely heartfelt and sincere. And while I did send it via e-mail, I still felt it was a higher caliber than just a regular e-mail, if not particularly formal. It must have done the trick, as I got a near immediate response from a friend I haven't heard from in weeks.

Letter writing, I feel, is an art worth reviving. :)

Midsummer Daydreams

Ok, maybe not Midsummer, or even summer daydreams, more like springtime daydreams. Mostly, I was trying to make a play on a song that everyone should listen to, and every guitar player should learn. It's by the band Triumph, actually, just one guy that is in that band, but it's amazing and you should look it up! Anyway...

As I mentioned many moons and several posts ago, I have BIG plans for this summer. Including:
* hiking Cascade Springs
* hiking Stewart Falls
* exploring Timpanogos Cave
* hiking to Emerald Lake
* hiking Timpenooke Trail
* hiking Aspen Grove Trail
* hiking to Lake Haray
* exploring the Diamond Fork Loop
* exploring the Mt. Nebo Wilderness
* hiking Yellow Pine Creek Trail
* hiking Shingle Creek Trail
* biking the Provo River Trail
* visiting the Clark Planetarium
* visiting the ferris wheel in Liberty Park in Salt Lake City
* going to the Mormon Miracle Pageant in Manti
* floating the Provo River
* exploring Squaw Peak Road and it's bike and hiking trails
* exploring Wasatch Mountain State Park
* exploring Yellowstone National Park
* hiking part of the Great Western Trail
* hiking Wasatch Crest Hill and Provo Peak
* camping in Moab
* camping at Payson Lakes
* going to California for Shari and Mike's wedding
* possibly going to Washington for Rachel and Matt's wedding
* visiting California just for fun, including Disneyland, Sea World, the San Diego Zoo, and, of course, the beach!

But first on the list, besides camping this weekend is heading home to spend some time with my family in Virginia. It's going to be an action packed and relaxing summer. If you're not quite as excited as me just yet, here are some pics of my daydream to peak your interest.