Reflections on my BYU experience

Two days ago, I officially graduated from BYU. In the days leading up to it, it all seemed quite anti-climatic. I'm a teaching intern, so I am already a full time teacher, and i haven't set foot on campus in quite a while. I have been re-hired at my school for next year, and it didn't seem like my life would be any different after that hour and a half ceremony. But, as I look back, so many thoughts and emotions begin to course through me. I have found, that in spite of some negative or frustrating experiences, there is a very special place in my heart for BYU and my friends here. There is a special spirit here that has blessed my life.

Some of my fond memories include a marvelous freshman year in Hinckley Hall - a great roommate, good friends, and a wonderful bishop and bishopric.

My sophomore year, I moved to the Terrace with some of my freshmen friends, watched the first of my friends get married, and met one of my best friends.

Junior year was similar, but with a new ward and bishop, some new friends, and some new roommates. That year we had a freshman year reunion and I said goodbye to some of my girlfriends that left on missions as our guy friends returned.

Senior year brought more changes, with new roommates, my best friend's wedding, and other friends having babies! I also went on my first trip to Las Vegas and California, including Disneyland, and managed to play in both oceans in the space of two weeks. :)

This past year has been an amazing experience with my internship, and all that has come with it. I have cherished my time with my students, and I have met and built new friendships. I didn't spend much time on campus, but when I was there, I was filled with memories of football games, working a the Cougareat, tunnel singing, hiking the Y at sunrise, attending General Conference, singing at a devotional where an apostle spoke, holding my best friend's newborn, late night chats, and and institute, church, or other lesson or meeting that left me inspired and wanting to do and be more.

Although the changes have come quietly and gradually, I see now that I have grown and changed, and learned. Some of my most powerful lessons were not learned in a classroom, but in a quiet, private, moment with a friend on a couch, on a walk, in a car, or on a bed sharing thoughts and feelings that we knew to be true.

It has been a marvelous five year journey, and while there have been bumps in the road and a few detours, I have learned, and grown and changed, and found joy, love, friendship, and laughter along the way.

Elder Perry was at my convocation, and I was able to shake his hand and speak with him briefly after receiving my diploma. At the end of our ceremony, he spoke for a few minutes. He challenged us to go to school and teach each day with enthusiasm. And left us with a promise, that the windows of heaven would open to us as we teach, and that our mouths would be filled, and we would be able to rise to the teaching moments we were given, to change the lives of God's children around the world. What a powerful promise.

And since I am who I am, I close with a few lines from one of my favorite Dr. Seuss books, Oh the Places You'll Go:
So be sure when you step.
Step with care and great tact
and remember that Life's
a Great Balancing Act.
Just never forget to be dexterous and deft.
And never mix up your right foot with your left.

And will you succeed?
Yes! You will, indeed!
(98 and 3/4 percent guaranteed.)

KID, YOU'LL MOVE MOUNTAINS!

So...
be your name Buxbaum or Bixby or Bray
or Mordecai Ali Van Allen O'Shea,
you're off to Great Places!
Today is your day!
Your mountain is waiting.

So... get on your way!

"A friend is a person with whom I may be sincere. Before him I may think aloud." ~ Ralph Waldo Emerson

I recently realized that Winter semesters, in spite of the snow, have always been my best semesters, usually due to the people I meet and spend time with. My freshman year, I had a great guy friend that I spent a ton of time with, who taught me a ton before leaving the following summer on his mission. My sophomore year, one my best friends moved into my ward, and we began what continues to be a wonderful friendship. Last year, a guy I didn’t know became my home teacher, and soon a very good friend.

This year, the trend continues! I have the greatest home teachers in the world, and as I have gotten to know them, I have made some very dear friends. It has been such a joy to sit around and talk, watch movies, plan fun activities, laugh, sing, and just enjoy life with each other!

This past weekend, as Part II of March Madness, we took off to Moab for their annual Half Marathon. I even took a personal day from work so I could enjoy myself completely. It was an absolutely AMAZING weekend! No offense to anyone else who went, but, I got to ride down with the coolest people! Betsy, Shari, Mike, John, and I passed the time singing to fun music, playing the semi-truck and road kill games, taking pictures, and coming up with song titles for a band John and some friends are starting on the way down. We picked a beautiful campsite right across the Colorado River from Canyonlands National Park. We stopped at two different spots to check out Indian Writing in the canyon and set up camp quickly before heading off to explore two arches that were just across the road from our campsite. It was a fun hike with phenomenal views! We went to dinner and heard some 3-year-olds, and milkshake machines make some interesting noises that made me roll on the floor laughing. Camping was of course wonderful. There was no moon, and although the clouds crept in late that night, we were able to enjoy the stars for awhile, and even look out of the back of our galaxy!

The next day was the Half Marathon, and we went into Moab to see our six friends who were running the 5 K and the marathon come in. As we drove into town, we blasted Footloose for the runners that we passed. Some of our friends even came up with a hilarious cheer: “Run! Run! Run like a squirrel!” We’re not sure what’s admirable about squirrels running, but, it sure made us happy to hear it, and even made some very tired runners laugh! After the race we went to explore some dinosaur tracks, and then on to Arches. It was a first for several people, and we had a blast climbing the Windows and taking fun pictures.

On the way home we enjoyed similar games. We stopped in Price at JB’s for dinner. That was fun and entertaining – something to do with Shamu on the freeway, fake kissing, and hot faces – well, I guess you had to be there, but, trust me, it was great! J We were shocked to be met with snow when we started through Spanish Fork Canyon, but, continued singing at the top of our lungs, and looking for potential road kill to avoid. We were all exhausted when we got home, but, I think I speak for all of us when I say that we didn’t want it to end. So much so, in fact, that there were several bursts of muffled giggles during sacrament meeting the next morning. :)

As I’ve thought about it recently, I’ve been so moved. I feel so very blessed to be where I am, with the friends that I have. We’ve all been told to marry someone that makes you want to be a better person. Well, I don’t think it could hurt to surround yourself with those people now. And literally, I want to be a better person because of the people I am surrounded by – I want to read my scriptures, go to the temple, and pray more, listen to good music, watch good movies and TV shows, do challenging things, and practice the piano more just because I see my friends do those things – not in a judgmental or hypocritical way, but simply doing it because they know it’s right and good. I am so happy – I find myself smiling and laughing to myself for no reason other than that a memory of a friend has crossed my mind!

So I close with the words from a favorite hymn, because it expresses the feelings of my heart in a way that I can’t find the words for:

“For worthy friends whose lives proclaim

Devotion to the Savior’s name,

Who bless our days with peace and love.

We praise thy goodness, Lord, above.”

March Madness: Week One

So, my friends and I decided that in addition to the typical March Madness, we would have our own March Madness full of fun activities.

We kicked off with a Leap Year Eve Party, during which we ate Pirate food, and watched Pirates of Penzance. Since I am lame, I forgot to take pictures during the actual party... But I have a picture of the food... Yep, I'm a little bit of an obsessive party planner... :) Yep, we had "rum", and "pirate sherry", swedish fish, goldfish, and some chocolate "treasure". YUM!
Then, we went to a BYU hockey game. We got stomped by UVSC, but, it was fun! Especially when my friend accidentally threw the cowbell he was so excited. :)

Saturday night we went to PBR Bullnanza at the E Center. We got decked out in cowboy/cowgirl gear, and it was delightful! :) It was SO cool to see bull riding up so close! I hope you can see the pictures OK!



The bull in the middle seriously almost gored this cowboy photographer guy because he wasn't paying attention when the bull came back out of the shoot. But, for some reason, the bull turned at the last second. I screamed so loud!

Now, there's about 84 hours until we head out to Moab!!!! YAY!!!! A whole weekend far away from Provo, and responsibility, with nothing but beautiful Arches and the outdoors, and stars, and fun friends. HUZZAH!

"Never hurry and never worry!" ~Charlotte, from Charlotte's Web

So, as you can see I am a TOTAL slacker when it comes to my blog. Even facebook and e-mail have fallen by the wayside as I have jumped into my first year of teaching. The last seven months have been some of the most challenging of my life, but also the most rewarding. When I went home over Christmas break, Mom gave me some of the best advice she's ever given me - Go live your life. Don't worry about what anyone thinks. Don't wait for anyone or anything. Go live life with no regrets and no "what if's".
Although that's something my dearest friends and parents have been trying to tell me for years, it finally sank in, and I took that as my challenge for this year. 2008 is my year of no regrets - and it's been AMAZING!
In January, I worked harder than ever to get my teacher work sample finished and turned in on time. It feels so good to be done with that and to be feel like I can be a good teacher again. I went to a Monster Truck rally with some friends, and to a car show with my brother before taking him up to check out Weber State University. While we were there, I completely fell in love with the Ogden area.
In a rash and emotional night, I went out and bought my own snowboard, boots, and all the needed accessories and gear, having no previous experience of any kind with Winter mountain sports. My board is gorgeous, if I do say so myself. I finally got to go boarding yesterday for the first time, and although it was hard, and I am sore and stiff today, I can't wait to hit the mountain again!
I also determined that I needed to get away this past weekend, regardless of other people's plans. Luckily, I was able to find a couple of friends to go with me to help with costs, and I escaped to the mountains of Ogden Canyon for the weekend. Although the stay was relatively short, it was liberating and rejuvenating.
Just today, my friend and I, who are both wildlife fanatics pulled off the road in Provo Canyon today and "chased" a moose! Really, we just hopped the fence and walked down to the opposite edge of the river that it was eating by. But I loved it! It was spontaneous and fun, and that moose was enormous!
I've always been a planner, but my plans have usually hinged on other people. No longer, my friend! I have big plans for these next few months and this summer, and I'm going. Come with me or don't, but, I'm going, come hell or high water! I'm going to Bullnanza next weekend, and Moab the following weekend, with several trips to Ogden, St. George, Moab, Las Vegas, San Diego, and back East planned for this summer. I'm going to party, dance, camp, hike, horseback ride, snowboard, stargaze, swim, and climb my little heart out!
Life is still stressful at times, but, I've learned that that's pretty much the point, and that it doesn't have to be paralyzing. I have been exceedingly grateful this semester for good home teachers who were there when I needed to make a split-second decision about taking on a Master's Program.
I have learned to love the quiet moments by myself when I have been able to really reflect and contemplate, and enjoy the amazing beauties around me. I have begun to cherish the moments when I begin to understand my place in this vast universe, and on a smaller scale, my part in a university that I had lost the vision of in my haste to jump through the hoops and navigate the red tape on the way to graduation.
What has made it all so wonderful is that I have had friends to share it all with, whether immediately, or from afar via technology. Nothing beats having someone be almost excited for you as you are for yourself when you accomplish a goal, try something new, or tackle an obstacle. As Wilbur learned in Charlotte's Web, "... friendship is one of the most satisfying things in the world."

Here are a few pictures:

Make video montages at www.OneTrueMedia.com

"Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who mind don't matter and those who matter don't mind." ~ Dr. Seuss

I envisioned this summer as a care-free blast, with time to get everything ready for my classroom, and have lots of fun and rest to boot. Well, I’ve had my fun, and I’ve slept a lot, way more than is probably necessary. Things are coming along for my classroom. There’s still more to do, but of course, there will always be more to do.

The care-free part of the summer was the catch. Setting up a classroom and preparing to teach twenty-one second graders is not exactly a care-free venture. And preparing to teach means very little time for a job, meaning no income. Fun!

I’m also not a huge fan of change. To be a little more honest, I absolutely loathe change, for the most part. It has been a summer of lots of big changes. A change of dreams, a change of location, a change of jobs, a change in friendships. It’s been a lot to handle emotionally. Somehow, my friend’s blog from a long long time ago, popped into mind. I re-read it, and honestly, I can’t put it much better than he did. So, I’ll just anonymously quote him:

“The last fourteen days have been quite the rollercoaster. But it seems that most of the ride has been downward with not nearly enough ups to balance it out. Some days are definitely better than others, but they seem fewer and farther between than the harder days. Its hard to put thoughts into words sometimes -- it seems that right now is a time when it is even more difficult for me to do so… I have loved the outdoors my entire life. Constantly I find myself stuck at work or in a class and the only thing I want to do is run away up into mountains that surround and taunt me. Never has the desire to follow those urgings be as strong as they have been lately. Its the calm and serenity that can be found in the mountains that draw me to them… Times will be rough, but they're bound to get better. So grab your favorite Dr. Seuss book, find a quiet corner, read and think of the simple things that really make this life wonderful.” Thanks friend!

And now, facing my own frustrations, I finally understand what my friend meant. The thing that has brought me the most solace and comfort is an occasional long drive through the Canyon, windows down, music blasting, and children’s books, and being able to laugh and cry – a simple but powerful gift.

Last night, the urge to drive hit at about 3 AM. My friend talked me into staying home for safety reasons. But tonight, tonight I’m going. There’s nothing like these beautiful Utah Canyons, with their waterfalls, and sunsets. I can’t think of a better idea. Thanks for the wisdom friend!

The Light at the End of My Tunnel

HUZZAH!!!!!
I just finished my last paper for BYU! Yay! Ok, so technically, that's a lie. I still have the teacher work sample to worry about next year, but that's EIGHT MONTHS AWAY! So, I am choosing to revel in the joy of being virtually done with this semester! The truth of the matter is, I still have 3 days of classes left, but I worked my bum off the last couple of days to get all my projects and stuff done tonight. It feels SO nice! It's a good thing it came now, too, because my patience is thinner than it has ever been.
My psycho-pants professors who think that lecturing me about how I'm going to be an amazing teacher and telling me that I should take pre-natal vitamins over the summer to gear up for the next school year, are driving me CRAZY!!!! I am SO SO SO done with this semester. I feel like I have worked harder this semester than I ever have in my entire life, and feel like I have somehow accomplished less. It's a horrible feeling, so no, the glass hasn't really been half full academically recently.
It sure filled up tonight though! I've just become "past feeling" academically. So yeah, I'm not going to get the greatest grades this semester, but I just don't care. C's get degrees baby... Actually, it's C- 's, but that just wouldn't rhyme. And I'm pretty sure if one more of my classmates complains about having to settle for an A- rather than the usual A+, I'm gonna hurl... something at them!
Yeah... The thought of no more projects or papers except those that I WANT to do this summer is quite glorious! So, here's to the end of papers and projects, the end of sleep-deprivation, the tantrums and frosty-and-fry-runs that got me through, and the beginning of rest and relaxation, leisure reading, camping, hiking, swimming, lounging around the pool, bike rides, movie premiers, soccer games, road trips, and PLENTY of doing whatever the heck I want, whenever I want! Here's to me, and finally reaching the light at the end of my tunnel. And here's to the rest of you who will be joining me in 12 days!

Go Big or Go HOME!

So far, this year has been a year of firsts for me. I began the year with my first filling and my first X-ray on the same day. This weekend was another first for me.
This weekend was everyone's last chance to leave town until the end of the semester. Everyone that could went south to California or Moab, or wherever. I got an invite to go to St. George with my cousins. My uncle has a house down there, and since I had never been to St. George, and for many other reasons, I got out of town as soon as I could on Friday. Unfortunately, I was traveling alone. When you're traveling with other people, half of the fun is getting there, when you're not, getting there can be quite boring, even a chore. To liven things up, I thought it'd be awesome to have a bit of a thrill and set the cruise control at 100... Aparently the state trooper didn't think it was a great idea. He was polite and all, and of course pulled off the side of the road right after me and followed me for a while after handing me my ticket for $232. My friends mostly laughed when I told them, and so did my cousins, but the parental units didn't find it that funny and took every opportunity to remind me to "slow down" whether I was in the car driving or not. Seriously, it was the first time I've ever been pulled over, and the first ticket I've ever gotten. That's probably why I still have my liscense and only a $232 ticket rather than reckless driving. Basically, I'm amazing... As my cousin said, "Go big or go home!"
The rest of the weekend was great. I made it to and from St. George safely, no problems other than a fun snow storm on the way home. The weather in St. George was awesome, and I really enjoyed the relaxation with my cousins. There's nothing quite like boating in February! My uncle even let me drive the boat. It was great! I almost feel like I can handle the rest of the semester, including the insane two weeks I have coming up with practicum and the Praxis. Am I crazy? Probably. But what the hey, I feel really good, and that hasn't happened in a long while. It's quite refreshing!

Past done with Winter

So, the last few days/week I have been in a really weird mood. I don't really know what is wrong, and answering questions about why I'm not myself is getting really old. I am perpetually exhausted, which, I'm learning is just part of the game as an elementary school teacher (and a teacher in training). I have fleeting moments when I want to hang out with people, but if the moment passes, I have no desire. I always have fun when I do spend time with people, but it takes a lot of will power to get me there. I'm all smiles around people, but it fades quickly when I'm not in public. I'm ridiculously busy, but my productive days are few and far between. I'm usually happy go lucky, but lately I find it takes more energy than I seem to be able to muster.

If you know me, this isn't like me. My roommates especially have noticed and ask rather often, "Are you ok? You're not yourself." Well, I've noticed too, but I honestly have no idea what, if anything is wrong. Thinking back, I felt this way last winter too. I was restless, tired, had severe cabin fever, and yet didn't really want to do anything. So, for now at least, I'll just blame it on the weather. When everything around you is icy cold and gray, and the mountains, which are usually breathtaking this time of year, are obscured by an inversion, it's hard to be happy and jolly trudging back and forth to campus.

I know a lot of things are going to change this summer, and to be honest, I'm terrified of change. I hate it with every fiber of my being. But this time, instead of everyone around me changing, and me feeling left behind, I'm changing too. I don't want to wish away the precious time that we have together, but I really wish April would come quickly. I'm ready to be able to go camping, and to be done with classes and only have to go to work, and spend the rest of the time playing and taking road trips. I need SUNLIGHT!

Home-spun therapy.

One of the wonderful things about blogs are that they are a wonderful place to vent. Generally I have friends to vent to, and believe me, I did several times today, but the best thing about a blog is I can say whatever I want and no one really reads it, so I can't possibly offend or anger anyone. Phenomenal. So, now I'm going to send my thoughts into the infinite abyss of the internet. Enjoy!

So, the last few days, someone I know has dragged me into a rather awful mess and well, it sucks. Sparing most of the gory details, let's see how much I can relay. Basically, relationship issues came up, and this person I know decided to play the middle man, and twice in the space of two days forced me to choose sides and used me to get information that wasn't private, but that I didn't want to give. I was supposed to go to a Jon Schmidt concert on campus tonight with my roomates. It happened that this person was going to be there and I found out. Considering that the second time this person dragged me into the position of middle man happened only hours ago, I lost all desire to go to a concert that I would normally kill to attend. I made the executive decision to stay home, ditching 8 friends, because I knew that I wouldn't enjoy myself for being distracted, angry, and hurt.

I am convinced that there are other factors to this executive decision of mine: like the fact that I am completely and utterly exhausted, not to mention hormonal. Nevertheless, I couldn't handle going, so here I sit on my couch after a nice long hard cry, surrounded by the things I love, that bring me comfort. I'm wrapped in the blanket my mom made me, holding the teddy bear my freshman roomate gave me, I played the piano long and hard, I've turned on a mix of all the Jon Schmidt stuff I own, thus providing my own private living room concert, free of charge, I'm therapeutically venting my frustrations and writing away my anger and hurt into oblivion, and the second I post this, I will grab the nearest Dr. Seuss book, read it, and then sleep until I leave in an hour to go get Krispy Kreme doughnuts for a game night with my dearest friends who care too much about me to ever put me in a situation like this.

Thank goodness for home-spun therapy.

Happy New Year to You!

So, I am officially the last one to update. Yay me! Facebook has just become way easier and faster, but this is still a fun little distraction when I should be studying!

Life in general has been way good recently, and I've realized that that is mostly due to my amazing friends and roommates. I have seriously never had such great roommates. And we have had some amazing fun!

So anyway, considering that it's a New Year and stuff, here's a recap for me to send out into the infinite abyss...
2006 Firsts and Nifty Accomplishments:
~sewing a wearable article of clothing all by my little lonesome (without my Mom to do it for me)
~my first near-death spinning experience in the Canyon
~my first practicum experience
~my first ebay.uk purchase (pounds confuse me. Thank goodness for Rachael!)
~my first professional soccer game - Real Salt Lake v. Real Madrid. Word.
~my first 4th of July in Utah - seriously great fireworks, and I grew up in Virginia!
~my first World Cup Experience (I hate to admit that I never cared before now)
~my first midnight showing(s) - Harry Potter and the Goblet of Fire, and Pirates of the Carribbean II
~I learned to change a tail light
~I almost went into my first bar hunting down a soccer team... but didn't.
~I turned 21, becoming legal to do the aforementioned item, but still haven't. Seriously, what would I do in there? (oh, and my birthday was, no joke, one of the best one's of my life!)
~I drove across the country with my mother
~I went to Music and the Spoken Word for the first time
~ok, I personally had nothing to do with this, but, I want to celebrate it: BYU had a WINNING season and went to the VEGAS BOWL, and kicked the Ducks' TRASH!

New Vocabulary:
word. huzzah. chickenhead. awesome-ticity. Wednesday Night Excursion!

Most frequently eaten food - Krispy Kreme donuts.
Most frequently watched movie - Love Actually.
Most frequently attended sport - BYU Women's Soccer!
Most frequently worn color - COUGAR blue BABY!

So, for 2007:Well, I kicked off the New Year with the traditional ball drop, appetizers, sparkling drinks, and fireworks. Then I got my first filling and my first X-ray all in the same day.Big plans: pay off my piano, get completely out of debt (CC, piano, etc. Everything but Student Loans), finish my BYU classes, and begin real life as a teacher!

Firsts to look forward too: My first kiss, and my first real relationship. Never had either, and, well, who knows, 2007 may be the year! I'm still trying to convince my dad that I deserve $100 for making it to the age of 21 without ever being kissed, without ever getting in a serious accident, and without ever having a filling, or serious medical problems. (I waited until after 21 to spring all those on him!)

Goals: Well, I'd like to spend more time at the temple, exercise more often, and be super consistent in all those good habits I'm forming. But mostly, as these next 4 months are the last ones I'll have with some of the best romates I've ever had, I really want to live it up. A lot is going to change this year, and well, change scares the pooh out of me, but, it's been a wonderful ride thus far, and I have no reason to believe that will change. I want to stress less, and laugh more, if that's possible. A few experiences recently have smacked me over the head with the reality that life is short, and you never know what's going to happen. Basically, I want to look back on 2007 and be able to honestly say that I LIVED it!

Ode to Nice Boys!

So, the last couple of days, my roommates and I have been reminded how wonderful at least some of the male population really is. Considering some of our experiences over this summer, this is a refreshing change.

In recent chats, we've identified that some of the male population are real, genuine idiots, and give all the rest of you a bad name! But then, there's the select few, those who are called, and chosen, and referred to, as "the nice guy". Unfortunately, these Nice guys, get way too little attention and credit. So, here's a little tribute from my roommates and I, to the men who remind us that we are princesses, and if we weren't us, we'd want to be us.

Here's to you, Mr. Nice Guy:
You hold the door, you take out our trash, and listen to us rant about the idiots that give you a bad name. You come over, even when you're "really busy", and join us in 2 1/2 hours of only planning what "really fun thing" we're going to do that night, without ever actually doing anything but roll on the floor laughing! You console us when our loser boyfriends break up with us, but would never say "I told you so." You give us great advice, whether we listen or not. You serenade us, even though you hate giving recitals. You come over "just to say hi" but stay for hours, talking about absolutely nothing, and we love every minute of it. You never think you're good enough for the girls you worship, and think girls are always settling when they get married. One day, though, we'll realize that the nice girls should stop dating the manipulative guys, and that the nice guys should stop dating the bratty girls. Then, the Nice guys will date Nice girls, and we'll all be one big happy Nice family, and stop worrying about who's "better" than who, and realize we only make each other better.
So, here's to you Mr. Nice Guy! You light up our lives!

Ah Saturdays!

So, today is Saturday, and a beautiful (though slightly hot) one at that! Today I have had the opportunity to reflect on how wonderful Saturdays can be.

Since I finished my genetics class, I have marveled at how stress-free my life has become. Yes, I am taking two other classes, and while the homework for those classes takes several hours a night, they don't stress me out. Work is, well work. But I work with such wonderful people, that even the extremely busy times are enjoyable, and we usually end up rolling on the floor laughing, much to the chagrin of our customers and management. It has been so nice to go to sit by the pool and relax just about every day.

Last night, I stayed up late talking to a dear friend of mine, but was able to sleep in - yes, truly sleep in - this morning. I didn't set an alarm and just let my body wake me up at 10 am this morning. It was beautiful! I do have some homework to do, but, well, I have all day!

This evening I get to attend the baptism of one of the sweetest girls in the world! Her name is Kylie and she is from Korea. She used to come to my ward, and we work together. I absolutely love this girl, and I am so happy for her. What is even more exciting, is there are going to be TONS of people at her baptism - just to show her how much we all love her, and support her! It's going to be amazing! After the baptism, a group of us are going to get together and have brownie sundaes, play Disney Scene-it? and then play night games. It's going to be great!

Another funny tangent (I'm famous for these) - I realized today how appropriate my blog title is. I love this thing - it's the perfect outlet for the many ramblings of my mind. Sometimes it reminds me that in spite of the crappy stuff going on right now, life is still great. Other times, it reflects the wonderful things happening to me. Either way, life is beautiful, especially today!

How do you say...

So, I finished that bloody genetics class on Tuesday. It feels nice to not be stressing out about it anymore, but, honestly, I thought being done with it would be a little more exciting than it's turned out to be. I have to admit, when I decided to stay in Utah this whole summer, I thought I would get to do lots of "fun" things, like bike rides, trips to anywhere but Provo, hiking, or camping. I also promised myself I would spend more time with my family that lives just twenty minutes away. Don't get me wrong, I have had fun (my roommates are incredible - we've come up with more inside jokes in the last two weeks than I think I've had with any group of friends in my whole life!) - but mostly in a movie-watching, card or board game playing kind of way. With the weather as beautiful as it is around here (meaning not so humid you choke to death at 85 degrees), I just thought I'd be doing more.

So, while I did finally finish my genetics class, this week has been rough. My roommate Rachel left Sunday morning, and our "fifth roommate" suddenly decided to fall off the face of the planet. Interestingly, my other roommate ran into him at lunch yesterday. From what she said, he seemed to feel a little bad that he didn't even stop by to congratulate me about my genetics class (to his credit, he did text message). So, here's my question. If we're friends, and he acknowledges the fact that he hasn't been a good friend recently, why doesn't he do something about it? Why have I still not seen him for four days? I'm not angry. Just hurt. I care about that boy very much, so I guess I expect too much sometimes. But, I am tired of being forgotten. He gets until 8:30 pm, then I'm making plans for the weekend, and we will go over a week without seeing or talking to each other. It will probably bother me more than it bothers him, anyway. I feel so childish saying that, like I'm some silly schoolgirl trying to get back at my best friend.

Maybe that's why it hurts so bad, I really do consider him my best friend. Some people have asked me if he and I are dating. I always answer no. But, I did casually mention that fact to him a few days ago. I don't know, I guess I figured he had a right to know and it was better to be honest with him. Whether intentionally or not, that was about the time we stopped hanging out. I didn't tell him because I wanted him to date me - he's old enough to make that decision for himself. To be honest, it terrified me to think that by telling him what other people thought, I risked losing our friendship. Maybe I'm just being impatient, but, it sure looks like my fears were justified. I love spending time with him, but, I won't wait around for him. I used to play that game, and I'm done. I won't lie, though, it hurts. I thought we were better friends than that, but now I'm beginning to wonder. But, I'm tired of that too. I know I'm not a priority in his life, and that's fine - but lately, it's like we're not even friends.

I guess four days really isn't that long. But, when you go from seeing each other everyday to not seeing each other at all for four days, it's a drastic change.

So, how do you tell someone you love that you're disappointed and hurt when you are genuinely thrilled to see them because the last four days have completely stunk? I guess there's always a limit to how honest you can be with someone.

Mind Meanderings

I like to talk, and I don’t really like to study. I spent the whole day a few days ago playing on facebook and blogger updating my accounts, adding pictures and such when I should have been writing a paper. A blog is so great because you can pretty much say whatever you want without any real consequences. I could tell you my deepest darkest secrets – but I won’t. I could tell you that I was so excited that Jon Schmidt’s new CD came out this week that I tried to order it about 4 times before his new website was actually up and running, messing things up a bit. But hey, their IT people are great, and I got free mp3’s out of it – anybody want to listen?

I’ve wanted to update my blog for awhile, but I’ve noticed that you’ve really just have to be in the mood to write, or someone has to really tick you off when you happen to be near a computer. Hence my last post. But hey, “manrichment” tonight should take care of that! At least we hope it will! If it doesn’t, that’s kind of lame, but we got permission from the EQP to be downright rude… Not that we need permission, but it felt good that such a nice guy was condoning actions that would have previously made us feel like complete jerks.

So, today was my last day of classes for Spring Term – YAY HURRAY! All I have left are two very easy finals that I’ll knock out next Wednesday. Oh, and my bloody genetics class. I’ve been saying I’m going to work on it for over a year, but, well, as Tammy Cochran would say, life happens. And let’s face it – if you’re not a biology major, genetics isn’t all that interesting, or fun. Yeah, so that blasted class is staring me in the face for the next four weeks, but then it HAS to be done, so, like my stupid paper last night, I, of course, will find a way to get it done – scheduling around all the fun things I’m going to be doing with my fun friends.

Speaking of fun friends, two of my roommates are moving out in the next week and a half, and Amie and Jared are moving to Texas. ::sniff:: I suppose it’s okay… My roommates will be back (in a different apartment) come fall, and my favorite roommate is staying! Yay!

So, I should tell you something fun and exciting going on in my life… Let me think… Yep, there’s definitely nothing very fun and exciting. Except for everyday life. That’s pretty dang fun actually. I get up early, go to work, come home and study, go to school, come home and eat dinner, and manage to avoid homework by playing with friends for the remainder of the night. Yep, that is pretty dang fun!

So recently there have been many wedding receptions to attend. Apparently I really enjoy taking pictures with inanimate objects that represent people. And I was going to post two of those pictures... but blogger doesn't like to let me put pictures on my posts anymore... Jerks!

I am NOT here to teach you manners or social skills!

So, recently, especially the last two days, several individuals have felt the need to invite themselves over to my apartment to do whatever my roommates or I are doing - whether they were invited or not. Generally, this is not a bad thing, except for when the same people do it every day, or every single time we plan something. Can we say too much????!!!!!

Let me illustrate...

Yesterday, my roommates and I went berry picking at the farm of a member of our bishopric. It was great fun, and they were wonderful hosts. We couldn't invite a lot of people because their strawberry patch is not very large, and we didn't want to clean them out, not to mention transportation. When we got home, those who had picked berries and a few others made some jam, but only enough jars for those who had helped in some way. This evening, we had a get together for those that had made the jam so that we could all taste-test it together. A young man in my ward overheard me inviting a member of our bishopric to come, and asked if "this was for [him]" and I informed him that no, it was just for those in the bishopric. Apparently, he did not get the hint, because he came over a few minutes before we began our taste-testing (one of our guests had arrived) and made jokes about me not inviting him, and then point-blank asked if he could come back to taste the jam. I very overtly begrudgingly (how do you like those adjectives?) said, "Sure ____. If you want to you can." I'm telling you, if one of our guests had not already arrived and it was just my roommates and I, I would have told him once again that NO he was not invited. The best part of this story is that he never even came back. He sent his roommate instead. I like his roommate. In fact, he's my home teacher and is nothing but nice. My favorite part is that he didn't invite himself, but was invited in when he came over. But really, what's with his roommate? If you're going to make a big deal about not being invited, and invite yourself anywya, the least you could do after getting your way is show up!
MORAL: Don't invite yourself to do something EVER, much less TWICE, especially when food is involved (this being because it causes more work for the host/hostess)!

Second illustration:

At our ward prayer tonight, a member of our ward fainted and fell face first onto cement. Several members of our ward are nursing, or pre-med, and responded quickly, but the rest of us took a while to respond - literally five minutes before the paramedics were called. It took another five minutes for someone to take the initiative to relocate ward prayer and get everyone out of there. Several of us stayed behind to help in whatever way we could. I happen to visit teach the girl's roommate, and so I wasn't leaving. Munch and mingle was supposed to be in the apartment right outside where the girl fainted. For obvious reasons, it was relocated. A young man (different from the one in the above story) came back to pick up the snacks, and, I kid you not, walked around the group that was still waiting for the girl to be loaded on the stretcher, asking if they could help carry stuff over. I understand he had good intentions, but have some sensitivity and tact could you?! Really, there are more important things than feeding the rest of the ward when there's a girl lying semi-concious on the cement patio!!

::::GROAN:::: (A very long, loud, exasperrated, extremely annoyed one)

My roommates and I had a long discussion about this today... One of these young men has been a source of contention in our apartment because he really freaks two of us out, and so we don't go out of our way to be overly nice and welcoming. The other two of us don't think he should be excluded. We finally agreed today that there was no real solution - neither pair was going to be comfortable or happy with the actions of the others or the results of those actions, so we agreed to let it be and not vent or talk about it anymore.

So, that's why I have a blog. A safe way to vent without offending people, because no one reads this anyway. Heck, only a couple people know I even have a blog. I don't know, my personal feeling is, I'm not here to teach you manners or social skills. I'm not here to entertain or feed you. And quite frankly, if you weren't here all the time, maybe I would be more inclined to actually invite you to join my friends and I when we do fun things. I'm all about seeing the big picture. I understand you're a child of God, and that he loves you. I know he can help me to love you too if I pray for it, I've had it happen. And really, I will pray for that... I've been really struggling lately with loving certain people that I interact with regularly. I shouldn't be so calloused and rude - I'm sure that's not becoming in a lady... But I do reach a limit - it's one of the many reasons why I'm still here and not translated yet. I know I have a lot to learn, but, my focus now is on perfecting me, and overcoming all of my imperfections - not teaching you manners or social skills. Wow... That sounds really selfish and mean... It's not a good day for me on the charity scale.

"How we spend our days is, of course, how we spend our lives." ~Annie Dillard

I just spent three glorious days in Draper with my adorable, sweet cousins. I spent a lot of time helping two of my cousins babysit her sister's neighbors' kids (confusing I know). Essentially, I spent most of my weekend babysitting, and cooking, but it was so fun, and exactly what I needed!

Friday I spent the whole day working really hard to get as many of my projects and classes finished before I left for Draper at 7:30. I took two tests in the space of an hour, and actually felt good about both of them! I finished 2 art assignments, which completed that class. I also finished my children's book for my music class. That project took so long! All total it cost me about $30 and at least 15 hours. It was absolutely ridiculous, but, I think it looks great, and I'm just really glad to be done. One of my friends told me I should really try to get it published. I'm not sure if it's that good, but, yeah. We'll see what my professor said - I'm all over extra money, if someone will really pay me for it! When I got home around 4:30 that afternoon, I cleaned my apartment, did my laundry, and cleaned my room.

I spent Friday night, Saturday, and most of Sunday with my cousins. We did lots of crafts, watched "Lady and the Tramp" and "Baby Signing Time" about five times each, and the usual Easter festivities (an easter egg hunt for the kids, and a large dinner complete with strawberry trifle, and eclair cake for the adults)! In reality, I spent a lot of time babysitting and cooking, but it didn't matter because I was with my family! One of the little girls my cousins were babysitting was one and my other little cousin was one and a half. They are two of the cutests and sweetest kids I have ever seen! They are so innocent, trusting, and affectionate. My favorite thing about the whole weekend was cuddling with them just before their naps. There's nothing quite like having those tiny little fingers wrap around one of yours and guide you around the yard to look at the little things we often take for granted (the swingset, the rocks, the grass), or having those two little hands reach up, begging for you to pick them up. Those are the moments that make life truly beautiful.

I have to say that being away from Provo gave me a much needed break, and helped me to regain my perspective, which, I must admit, had been slipping a little. On the way back to Provo, I was talking to my aunt and uncle, and I realized that I am at a perfect place in my life. I am in a perfect position as far as my education and career are concerned, to get married at any time. I was able to step back and realize some of the little ways that the Lord has proided for me. I gained some perspective on a dear friend of mine, whom I love, which was definitely needed. I'm so looking forward to this coming spring and summer! I just have to make it through the next week and a half. But I have stopped caring about my grades and started caring about what I learn.

This weekend I stayed with my cousins at a stranger's house (remember, they were babysitting). I absolutely loved the way she had decorated her house. One of the walls had a wonderful quote about peace on it, that I love. This isn't the exact one, but, pretty close:

"Peace is not an absence of chaos or trouble, but to be in the midst of all these things and be calm in your heart."

Amid the chaos, and sometimes trouble, of my daily life, I'm perfectly content where I am - single, not dating, working hard at work and school - because I am at peace. I am calm about my future. I know that one day I will get married, and whether it is someone I think I would like to marry right now, or someone I still have not met, I know that the Lord will provide a way for it to happen in his time and not my own. While everything around me is changing, I am completely content knowing that no matter what separates us, we will all come together again one day and revel in the joy and love of friendships rekindled and strengthened. That is a peaceful, calming thought!

So much to say, so little ways to say it...

It's really hard to put what I'm feeling into words right now. I read an e-mail today from a dear friend who is serving a mission in Ukraine. We were good friends freshman year, and kept in touch over the summer until he went on a mission. I wrote him faithfully almost every month for the first 15 months of his mission. These last 6 it's been a little more infrequent, but his mother forwards me his weekly e-mails, and while I may not always have time to write, he is in my thoughts quite often. He comes home in 59 days... but who's counting. In his e-mail he was making plans for the summer and for returning to school. I really can't believe he's coming home. I can't believe it's been two years!

It's interesting because when I told people about saying good-bye to him, everyone always says, "oh, he likes you. You don't have a good-be like that with someone you don't care about." That's just it. We care about each other. I don't know that it's romantic. But whenever I have troubles with other guys, all my friends say, "Well, Stephen's coming home..." Yeah, he is. Lots of people ask me if I plan on going on a mission. I don't feel like I should go on a mission, I've only wanted to in passing, more because it was a cool thing to do and less because I really wanted to. I've never really envisioned myself on a mission, but rather married. It's funny because it's almost two years until my girl friends will be home from their missions. That's a long time and so much can happen in that time - look at Amie and Jared! They went from not knowing each other existed to being happily married with a newborn baby boy!

It was interesting the feelings I had when I read his e-mail today. Reading his e-mail today, though, he really has direction. Since becoming friends with Dave, that is something that has become a necessity for my husband. He's got to have direction. Stephen wants to major in International Relations and probably go to graduate school. He's so ambitious and so driven. It's impressive. I've spent over two years convincing myself that we're never going to date, much less get married, and now as his homecoming gets closer and closer, I get more and more excited. It's not a nervous excited, but a peaceful excitement, almost an assurance. It's very hard to describe.

Everyone says they can totally see me with someone like Stephen, and truth be told, I don't think I've really met anyone that could take his place in my heart. Maybe I eventually will. One of my good friends told me a few minutes ago that she can see me married in the next two years. It's so funny because I have no idea if that will actually happen, or who it will happen with. I've often wondered what it will be like to really fall in love, and how I'll know. My friend's boyfriend put it the way I imagine it, "there's no one else in the world I would rather be with."

I don't know. I often wonder what it will be like, and how it will feel to fall in love. But mostly, I just dream. I don't really know how I'll know, but, I know I'll know.

Oh How the Years Go By!

My best friend Jill got her mission call last night. She's going to the Slovenia Croatia Mission, speaking Croatian. She reports to the Provo Missionary Training Center May 3rd. She is so excited to serve the people there! Jill is leaving in 4 weeks and 4 days. It's so soon!

As for me, well, it hit me once again how fast we're growing up, and how everything is changing. I called my parents to tell them to good news and started sobbing. I really am excited for her. Really, I couldn't walk fast enough to get home from my class. There were so many wonderful people there to help her celebrate. It was wonderful! I'm happy for her, and sad for me. Jill was the one that's been there for me through everything. She was there to cry and laugh with me when all of our missionaries left, when Amie got married, when I had boy troubles, when I had roommate issues, when Amie had her baby. Now Jill's got her mission call, and is going half-way around the world. Who's going to be here for me now, to laugh and cry with me? Who am I going to say "Oh Jill!" too? When will I get my Jill hugs? I know the Lord has called her to Croatia because the people there need her. Yes, they need her even more than I do. I just have to trust that He will provide someone for me to fill that void that I have already begun to feel.

While I was doing my homework today, an Amy Grant song came on my iPod. As I'm sure you've been able to tell, music touches me deeply and expresses the things that I quite often cannot put into words. This song was no different:

In our times of trouble
We only had ourselves
Nobody else
No one there to save us
We had to save ourselves
And when the storms came through
They found me and you
Back to back together
And when the sun would shine
It was yours and mine
Yours and mine forever

There were times we stumbled
They thought they had us down
But we came around
How we rolled and rambled
We got lost and we got found
Now we’re back on solid ground
We took everything
All our times would bring
In this world of dangers
’Cause when your heart is strong
You know you’re not alone
In this world of strangers

And if we lose our way
Any night or day
Well we’ll always be
Where we should be
I’m there for you
And I know you’re there for me

And oh how the years go by

And oh how the love brings tears to my eyes

All through the changes the soul never dies

We fight, we laugh, we cry

As the years go by

As the years go by.

I love you Jill! Good luck, my love!

"When you have a baby, love is automatic..." ~Marie Osmond

Welcome Samuel Phillip!
My best friend Amie had her baby on Sunday (March 26). Little Samuel Phillip was born at 2:20, 7 lbs and some ounces. Ten tiny fingers, ten little toes, two adorable blue eyes, two perfect ears, a nose, a mouth and blonde-ish hair. I found out yesterday at around 2. I couldn’t contain my excitement, and could barely walk around. I told everyone I saw. I had already taken off work for a group meeting that ended up being cancelled. So, I grabbed some flowers and a balloon, and ran home to change. I called Jared and asked him when would be a good time to come visit, and he said I could come right then. You certainly don’t have to tell me twice! So, Alicia and I went to visit them for a few minutes. I think we were the first and only friends to come by. Of course both of their families had been in and out. Amie was excited to see us. She kept saying, “I knew you would come!” Amie looked tired, but perfectly content with the world. Jared couldn’t wipe the grin off his face, and who could blame him? He now has not only a beautiful wife, but an adorable, healthy son! Amie took little Samuel out of his little crib, and let us each hold him for a few minutes. Alicia held him for maybe ten minutes, and then I got to hold him for about twenty minutes. Amie’s mom came while we were there, and Alicia had to leave, but I stayed for a while. He is an adorable, perfect, healthy little bundle of joy, and I fell in love with him the moment I saw him! I hope to have pictures soon. We took a camera, but just didn’t have time. I stayed for a little over an hour, and then left because Samuel was hungry. I’m going to visit them later this week, just to check on Amie and see how they’re adjusting to home life. She’s such a cute little mother! Jared is, of course, the most adorable dad. He’s so great with Samuel, just naturally. It made me giggle when I was leaving and Jared was holding Samuel, and he said, “Tell Mallory good-bye!” I thought it was adorable! What a joy and little miracle he is! It’s so miraculous to me. Samuel is here, and he and Amie are safe and sound. All is right in the world!

Fun baby quotes that I love:
"Babies are never common. Each one is a miracle." ~Anne Shirley from Anne of Green Gables

"Ten fingers, ten toes. He's laughter and teardrops, so small and brand new. And amazingly angelic, he's sent to bless you! He's one special Baby, the best of life's treasure. And will grant and bless you many hours of great pleasure."
~Anonymous

"If one feels the need of something grand, something infinite, something that makes one feel aware of God, one need not go far to find it. I think that I see something deeper, more infinite, more eternal than the ocean in the expression of the eyes of a little baby when it wakes in the morning and coos or laughs because it sees the sun shining on its cradle."
~ Vincent van Gogh

"A baby will make love stronger, days shorter, nights longer, bankroll smaller, home happier, clothes shabbier, the past forgotten, and the future worth living for"
~ Anonymous

"When the first baby laughed for the first time, the laugh broke into a thousand pieces and they all went skipping about, and that was the beginning of fairies. And now when every new baby is born its first laugh becomes a fairy."
~ James Matthew Barrie

Team Bangarang! Less Flab Mo*Ab!

I just got back from an awesome weekend in Moab. We left Friday around 1 pm and got down to Moab around 5. We checked into our campsite and went to eat dinner while we waited for everyone else (and all of our luggage) to get there. We finally got all set up around 8, and then we all hung out for a couple of hours. Sixteen people in our group went down to run the half marathon (13.1 miles!), and the rest of us were there to support them and get a much needed break away from Provo! It was a blast! We had a campfire, ate s’mores, played cards, and then went to bed. I’d like to say that we were all warm and cozy in our tents, but, well, we were camping in a desert in March! We were all wide awake by about 7, and we saw the runners off and then took down camp.

We arrived at the finish line around 10:30 and waited for everyone to come in. Our first team member to come in was Spencer at an hour and 33 minutes. Way impressive! Everyone else trickled in, all racing incredibly well! After the race, all the runners got a massage from our team therapist, Laurie. What an awesome girl she is! I love her to death! It was great. Most of us made shirts that had the team name on them (Team Bangarang), and the supporters got assignments, like “#1 Fan, Massage, and Paparazi. They were great! The team motto was “Less Flab Mo-Ab!” The announcers at the race even commented on it! It was such a fun experience to be there cheering our friends on there at the finish line. We all hung out for a while, and then decided to head home. Most of us met at a diner halfway home in Price. What great food!

The drive home was definitely interesting. We went from the beautiful 60 degree, sunny weather we had enjoyed all weekend to wind and rain, to sleet, to snow in the space of a three-hour drive. Snow through the most dangerous canyon in the US welcomed us back home to Provo. While the weekend was wonderful, seeing the Y on the mountain was a welcome end to the trip! The funniest part was when twenty of us showed up to church the next day sunburned (I have an awesome sunglasses line!), and had a snowball fight afterwards! At ward prayer we started planning our next trip for the end of the semester so we can all go down and enjoy the sights and some hiking in Arches National Park which we had to skip because we were pressed for time and everyone was (understandably) exhausted.

I was so excited that I even bought a Utah travel guide today. It’s going to be such a blast being in Utah this spring and summer. We’re going to take tons of trips and it will be wonderful to get to see all the sights and be outside so much after being trapped inside by the snow for so long. Yes, we have another day or two of snow before our temperatures start warming up permanently… I can’t wait!

Here are some fun pictures from the trip! (More coming as soon as blogger decides to cooperate)