"It is a truth universally acknowledged..."

… being an analysis of the social commentary that is the movie He’s Just Not That Into You.

I watched the movie, He’s Just Not That Into You with my roommate Kristin last night, for the second time. The first time I pretty much hated it, but we were amazingly intrigued by this movie last night, and so watched it – with a purpose this time! I watched it with the intent to create this post.

Truth #1: “We’re all encouraged, no programmed to think that if a guy acts like a jerk, he likes you.” No seriously. This is true. We as a society do this to each other. And while the movie was geared toward the women “He’s just not that into you,” but I think it is safe to say that, while it is to a lesser degree, men have their part in this too. I’m sure we’ve all heard about the various signals member of the opposite sex send. Well, we all send them, however, I think generally, we all have a hard time making those signals align with what we actually mean. Then there’s the analysis of those signals – generally, that phase is an all-around disaster! Even, and maybe especially, in mixed company, we can never seem to agree on what those signals meant. While the signals are actually pretty straightforward, since there is some variance from person to person, we can never agree upon what the said signals mean.

Truth #2: “If a guy is treating you like he doesn’t give a [crap], he genuinely doesn’t give a [crap]. No exceptions.” Having been the rule my entire life, I can attest to the truthfulness of this statement. No, really, it’s true. Hence truth #3.

Truth #3: “We’ve got to stop listening to stories like that because we’re not the exception. We’re the rule.” As a corollary to rule #2, this is also exceptionally true! If you’ve never heard some insane story about how someone in the exact same situation as you turned out with some fairy-tale happy ending, please stand up and take a bow, you are the exception. I think we’ve all heard a story, that was probably intended to make us feel better, but which was in fact an exception to the rules.

Truth #4: “I just need you to stop being nice to me, unless you’re going to marry me afterward.” Now, in the context of the movie, this was a legitimate concern – if you’ve been together for 7 years, it’s about time you get married. However, in the context of the real world (as in the non-Hollywood world), what the heck?! Since when does someone being nice to you indicate a desire to marry you?! Um, to all the BYU zoobies, and the members of most LDS singles wards, let me just say that, contrary to what your roommates and friends may tell you, just because he [or she] is nice to you does NOT indicate a desire to marry you – especially if you haven’t been dating each other exclusively for an extended period of time (typically, weeks, is not considered an extended period of time. Contrary to the content of the remainder of this post, there are exceptions to that rule. The extended-period-of-time rule, not the niceness-does-not-necessarily-lead-to-marriage rule).

Truth #5: We all need a friend like Alex, who is brave enough to tell us, “Ok, [insert name here], he’s not interested,” without tip-toeing around our feelings, because he’s “just trying to help.” Really. Being the beneficiary of several such friendships, those friends are seriously invaluable. It is nice to have someone (or several individuals) who will really be honest with you, and who have your best interests at heart. Though what they may tell you hurts a little at first, you still know they love you, and you can depend on them. Oh, and they’re probably game to join you for the recovery movie and ice cream, and probably the associated tears.

Truth #6: “If a guy gives you his number instead of taking yours, he’s not interested in you.” This rule only applies to girls. Boys, if she gives you her number, especially if she comes up with an elaborate plot to do so, she probably is interested, or at least potentially so.

Truth #7: Endorphins make you not think clearly. Don’t exercise with someone that you’re attracted to. Especially if you’re married. Unless that person is your wife. And don’t go skinny-dipping afterward. That’s just a general, common sense rule. In fact, I once had a friend tell me to go running with a guy I was attracted to, because endorphins would make us more attractive to each other. True story. Didn’t do it. Glad I didn’t. He’s happily married, and we’re still friends.

Truth #8: If he [or she] interrupts a date or make-out session to talk to another girl [or guy], for any reason, he’s [or she’s] just not that into you. RUN! No really, this is true. The reverse is also true. If you find out he interrupted one of the above things for you, then, you can quite possibly take that as an indication that he IS into you. Sorry I can’t prove this with personal experience, haven’t had any. But, I think it is probably true.

Truth #9: “You all (women) eat it up because you love it. You love the drama.” True. Girls, you know it’s true. We are creatures of drama. We do feed off it. Incessantly. It’s actually pretty insane the level of drama we think we need to feel like we’re living. Whether it’s our own, or a friend’s or a friend of a friend’s or a total stranger’s in the news, we totally feed off drama.

Truth #10 (and my personal favorite) “Someday, you will meet a wonderful guy and get your very own happy ending. Every movie we see, every story we’re told implores us to wait for it: the third act twist, the unexpected declaration of love, the exception to the rule. Sometimes we’re so focused on finding our own happy ending, that we don’t learn how to read the signs, how to tell the ones who want us from the ones who don’t, how to tell the ones who will stay from the ones who will leave. And maybe this happy ending doesn’t include a wonderful guy. Maybe it’s you, on your own, picking up the pieces and starting over. Freeing yourself up for something better in the future. Maybe the happy ending is just moving on. Or maybe the happy ending is this: knowing that through all the unreturned phone calls, the broken hearts, through all the blunders and misread signals, through all the pain and embarrassment, you never ever gave up hope.”: The truth of the matter is, there are happy endings for all of us. We are the exception to someone’s rule, the right one’s rule. But, we are most attractive when we are happy and confident, when we manage to remain level-headed about the whole proposition, but always, above all else, keep that hope that one day we will find our own happily ever after.