How do you say...

So, I finished that bloody genetics class on Tuesday. It feels nice to not be stressing out about it anymore, but, honestly, I thought being done with it would be a little more exciting than it's turned out to be. I have to admit, when I decided to stay in Utah this whole summer, I thought I would get to do lots of "fun" things, like bike rides, trips to anywhere but Provo, hiking, or camping. I also promised myself I would spend more time with my family that lives just twenty minutes away. Don't get me wrong, I have had fun (my roommates are incredible - we've come up with more inside jokes in the last two weeks than I think I've had with any group of friends in my whole life!) - but mostly in a movie-watching, card or board game playing kind of way. With the weather as beautiful as it is around here (meaning not so humid you choke to death at 85 degrees), I just thought I'd be doing more.

So, while I did finally finish my genetics class, this week has been rough. My roommate Rachel left Sunday morning, and our "fifth roommate" suddenly decided to fall off the face of the planet. Interestingly, my other roommate ran into him at lunch yesterday. From what she said, he seemed to feel a little bad that he didn't even stop by to congratulate me about my genetics class (to his credit, he did text message). So, here's my question. If we're friends, and he acknowledges the fact that he hasn't been a good friend recently, why doesn't he do something about it? Why have I still not seen him for four days? I'm not angry. Just hurt. I care about that boy very much, so I guess I expect too much sometimes. But, I am tired of being forgotten. He gets until 8:30 pm, then I'm making plans for the weekend, and we will go over a week without seeing or talking to each other. It will probably bother me more than it bothers him, anyway. I feel so childish saying that, like I'm some silly schoolgirl trying to get back at my best friend.

Maybe that's why it hurts so bad, I really do consider him my best friend. Some people have asked me if he and I are dating. I always answer no. But, I did casually mention that fact to him a few days ago. I don't know, I guess I figured he had a right to know and it was better to be honest with him. Whether intentionally or not, that was about the time we stopped hanging out. I didn't tell him because I wanted him to date me - he's old enough to make that decision for himself. To be honest, it terrified me to think that by telling him what other people thought, I risked losing our friendship. Maybe I'm just being impatient, but, it sure looks like my fears were justified. I love spending time with him, but, I won't wait around for him. I used to play that game, and I'm done. I won't lie, though, it hurts. I thought we were better friends than that, but now I'm beginning to wonder. But, I'm tired of that too. I know I'm not a priority in his life, and that's fine - but lately, it's like we're not even friends.

I guess four days really isn't that long. But, when you go from seeing each other everyday to not seeing each other at all for four days, it's a drastic change.

So, how do you tell someone you love that you're disappointed and hurt when you are genuinely thrilled to see them because the last four days have completely stunk? I guess there's always a limit to how honest you can be with someone.